F Yeah, this is a rant about the man who complained about PAUL MCCARTNEY and the seals. I’d just like to say that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and maybe he even WORKS for the seal company, because soon, seals as young as 12 days of age will be clubbed and beaten. Others will be shot with a rifle in open water fighting for their lives. Many are going to suffocate under the ice or be pulled on to the boats with sharp metal HOOKS. Ninety-five per cent of the seals killed will be less than three months old and most of them will have been skinned alive. If this guy was a witness to seal hunts personally, his heart would break. There is no economic or environmental reason to justify Canada’s commercial seal hunt, which is cruel and unnecessary and opposed by the majority of Canadians. The government-supported hunt isn’t designed to promote SCIENCE or meaningful employment for Newfoundlanders, it’s designed to gain votes for politicians. All this to produce less than one per cent of Newfoundland’s gross domestic product. By the government’s own calculations, a sealer makes $1,000 a year. So I don’t think anybody’s surviving on any sort of sealing thing. What if you saw a bunch of HELPLESS CHILDREN being beaten and bludgeoned to death on the ice, then dragged with hooks to be skinned, most of them SKINNED ALIVE because the sealers don’t check, I think that you would freak out? Never mind that all they do with the seal skin is make FASHION. Go on to a Web site and watch a video of what’s happening in Newfoundland right now and then go out and search for your SOUL. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™. I have a rant dedicated to the JABRONIS at that fucking school arguing over that stupid FUCKING CUP. All right, check it, right, everybody’s bitching about the education system in Quebec and all that crap, why don’t you take that fucking money and put it into the fucking school?! The teachers win, the students win, everybody’s happy. Roll up the rim to win? You’re a bunch of rim-jammers! [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I ranted before and I’ll rant again. To the dumb fuck who says Montreal has no ghetto. Come to Pointe St-Charles, you dirty cunt. What the fuck is a ghetto if it’s not poverty and all that bullshit? We’ve got crackheads shooting up in the park, we got fucking prostitutes walking down the street. Don’t give me that shit, Montreal has no ghetto! [BLEEP!]

M Howdy. I’m calling in response to the person who responded to my rant about Montreal not having ghettos. And, yes, I understand your pain, poverty does exist, poor is poor no matter where you go. But I think you missed my point: I’m tired of these fake-ass gangster-rap-type wannabes who are saying, like, “Yo, we’re hardcore, man, we represent the ’hood, it’s ghetto and yo, man I got shot 15 times and I’m still alive and I’m rappin’ about it and I’m the bomb and I can measure up to all the other ghetto MCs out in the States.” These punk motherfuckers who think they are real but they are not, who don’t come correct with their shit. That’s all I’m saying. All right. Good luck with everything and have a good year. [BLEEP!]

F This is going out to all those SQUEEGEE TYPES who insist on washing my car window. I experience a VIVID PANIC when I see you approaching me. So I have a better, happier idea. Why not stroll along with a bin I could dump all my caca in, like my empty chip bags and old mittens? Then instead of feeling dread and despair when I see you, I’ll get really really happy. Also, to the bum that told me his daughter was in an accident and he needed to borrow $20. I waited for you to come back for two hours. I hope you got nice and wasted off of that money and then got nauseous and PUKED. So next time I want you to ask yourself: what would Jesus do? God bless everybody. [BLEEP!]

M All right, this isn’t fear mongering, this is SCIENCE. The AIDS virus exists for about a minute, two minutes, in the air before it gets oxidized and starts to disintegrate. However, stuck between the two little blades of a razor, chances are very slight but possible that it could last a little bit longer. And if someone else uses that razor and cuts themselves as well, there is a chance they could get AIDS from using that same razor. Now I don’t know what the numbers are on getting struck by lightning in a mine shaft, but if you check with Cactus Montreal, they will tell you that your chances of getting AIDS off someone else’s razor are slight but very real if they have the disease. [BLEEP!]

M To all the wait people complaining about tips. I worked in the service industry for 17 years and you give us all a bad name. You make us sound like filthy poor BEGGARS. Who gives a crap if someone doesn’t leave you a quarter? For every jerk who doesn’t leave you a quarter, there’s someone who’s going to leave you $1.50. So do the world a favour and stop making people think that they can SUBJUGATE servers by holding their tips above their heads. Just drop the whole issue of tips! And if you don’t like service, get the hell out of the business. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum