Rest easy, citizens of Montgomery County—your libraries will not become the home of pixilated cock. At least not until a couple of Homeland Security officers are re-schooled in what their jobs actually are.

The two unnamed officers recently broke the hush of a Bethesda, Maryland, public library with what they said was an important announcement. With everyone’s attention, the two told all present that it was forbidden to surf porn on library computers. Then they asked a man to step outside to answer for his choice of Web sites. A library staffer convinced the officers to retire to a private office to discuss the matter.

Meanwhile, someone called the police, who arrived and asked Homeland Security to leave. Later that day, Bruce Romer, chief administrative officer for Montgomery County, issued a statement saying the men had “over-stepped their jurisdiction” and since been re-assigned.

» Scott Saxon