by RUPERT BOTTENBERG, LORRAINE CARPENTER and MATTHEW WOODLEY

Back when he was still news of some sort, Huey Lewis sang of New York City, “Where else can you do a half a million things/All at a quarter to three?” Well, here’s news for you, Mr. Lewis—quarter to three will be pretty boisterous right here in Montreal, at least this Saturday.

The evening of Saturday, Feb. 25, sees the start of the third annual Nuit Blanche all-nighter, the jewel in the crown of the ten-day Montreal High Lights Festival. The idea of the all-night, city-wide arts-and-entertainment blowout, already a tradition in Paris, can be traced back to the “white nights” of the far-north city of St. Petersburg, Russia, which capitalize on the midnight sunshine of high summer.

True, it’ll be up to festival sponsor Hydro-Québec to make up for the nocturnal darkness (it is, after all, a festival of light). No worries about warmth, though. Not only will at least 140,000 Montrealers be out and about, with body heat to share (that was last year’s head count, and organizers expect even more this year), but with over 70 activities at 52 locations to choose from, checking out even a fraction will involve some serious, heat-generating hustle.

No need to scrounge up cab fare. The STM is offering a free shuttle service, following two pre-set routes, the whole night through. And that’s not all that’s free. With the exception of the events at the CCA, Station C and the MMFA, highlighted below, the Mirror’s 30 suggestions for Nuit Blanche won’t cost you a dime.

Go for a spin in Rita’s dryers—or at least warm up in one of her three giant machines modelled like Maytags—before moving on to your next nocturnal adventure. Place des Arts Esplanade, all night long

Feast your eyes on the dazzling treasures of St. Petersburg’s State Hermitage Museum, specifically the collection of 18th-century art patron and adulteress with the mostest, Catherine the Great. The items in the Art for Empire exhibit range (in size but not in lustre) from a Romanov coronation coach to a Sèvres Cameo table service, from a recreation of the Diamond Room in the empress’s Winter Palace to a set of wee snuff boxes. The German-born Russian ruler had a soft spot for classicism, balanced with a flair for modernity in philosophy and politics. Though her expansionist reign was a bloody one, the “enlightened despot” left the country with a legacy of power, glory and magnificent works of art. Alongside the exhibit’s wealth of paintings, sculptures, architectural drawings, furniture and ornate tchochkes, ice will be sculpted, vodka cocktails and Russian tea served, Heidi Hollinger’s Russian photos displayed and Joseph von Sternberg’s excessively opulent 1934 film The Scarlet Empress (starring Marlene Dietrich) screened. Montreal Museum of Fine Arts (1380 Sherbrooke W.), 5 p.m.-2 a.m., $7.50

Geek out on the mind-boggling X-Treme Rotation, Eureka! and Technocity exhibitions at Science Night. Montreal Science Centre (King Edward Pier, 333 de la Commune W.), 6 p.m.–3 a.m.

Rock your body clock at Nuit blanche au Daylight, a delightfully disorienting installation of luminous sculptures and physical transmutations presented by l’Escargot and les Assemblages. Daylight Factory (1030 St-Alexandre), 6 p.m.–4 a.m.

Wonder at the wings on Anselm Kiefer’s three-ton book sculpture, partly made of tiles from the Cologne Cathedral, as well as over 60 of the German artist’s other works at the MAC’s metaphysical Heaven and Earth exhibition. Musée d’art Contemporain de Montréal (185 Ste-Catherine W.), 6 p.m.–5 a.m.

Take in the tech at UQÀM’s Art & Technology exhibition, showcasing a slew of projects made by grad and undergrad fine art students from various departments. Galerie de l’UQÀM (1400 Berri), all night

Soak up the spectrum of African-inspired furniture and other industrial objects at Black Design. Centre de design UQÀM lobby (1440 Sanguinet), 6 p.m.–5 a.m.

Cut a rug at the lit-up City Hall, temporarily transformed into a dazzling dancehall. C’mon, Mayor Tremblay, let’s see summa dat fancy footwork! Hôtel de Ville de Montréal (275 Notre-Dame E.), 7 p.m.–3 a.m.

Dive into the world of French writer Jules Verne, the godfather of science fiction, at the Writing the Sea exhibition. Diving suits, moon shots, nuclear submarines—the visionary Verne saw it all coming well over a century ago, and made his fantastic futurism fun in the process. Musée d’archéologie et d’histoire de Montréal, Pointe-à-Callière (350 Place Royale), 7 p.m.–3 a.m.

Catch a snapshot of comic creator Julie Doucet’s presentation on the new life she bestowed upon a bag of photos found strewn on the street in Berlin, as well as other poetry, music and video at B-312’s bedtime brouhaha of exhibitions and performances. Galerie B-312 (372 Ste-Catherine W., #403), 7 p.m.–5 a.m.

Stomp your way through the woods of Mount Royal or lace up your blades and trace circles on Beaver Lake during Skating and Snowshoeing on Mount Royal, a crisp reminder that nature and the cold winter air is a tonic like no other. Cheap rentals, bring your own flask. Centre de la Montagne (Beaver Lake), 7:30 p.m.–11:30 p.m.

Get hypnotized by the honey-like mutation of glass in fusion as a selection of Montreal’s best blowers show their art as it happens. It’s extra cozy by the fire, of course. Espace Verre (1200 Mill), 8 p.m.–2 a.m.

Get the latest breaking news, weather forecasts, relationship advice, gardening tips and nightlife picks—from like, 300 fucking years ago—at The Rhythms of Life: History and Role of the Almanacs. That’s right, more dusty almanacs than you can shake a butter churn at! Musée du Château Ramezay (280 Nôtre-Dame E.), 8 p.m.-3 a.m.

Glow for it at la Nuit des Néons, featuring lasers, blacklight body-painting, ’80s jamz c/o DJ La Grange and enough ultraviolet light to scorch your retinas—and it’s free if you’re clad in fluorescent finery! Café Campus (57 Prince-Arthur E.), from 8:30 p.m.

Feel your way around an obstacle course with a little help from a friendly pooch, courtesy of the Mira Foundation. The blindfolded guide-dog tour will heighten the senses for the rest of Night of Sensations, a multidisciplinary event for fans of art, music and massage (and dogs). Two graffiti artists from Unreal Art Visuel will create a mural over the course of the night, and allow visitors to leave their own tag behind, while a band of percussionists unleash some tam-tam heat. Meanwhile, four massage therapists and their chairs will manhandle all comers, courtesy of Centre Massothérapie et Esthétique LaSalle, but to unwind the heart and soul, join jazz singer Dorothée Berryman and her band for their presentation of PS I Love You, a selection of jazz classics and tunes from her latest, sophomore album. The quintet will play two shows back to back, between 9:30 and 10:45 p.m. Note that one dollar of each ticket goes to Mira, which donates dogs to the blind. Canadian Centre for Architecture (1920 Baile), 9 p.m.–2 a.m., $3

Park yourself at Viger Square and learn why it’s strangely full of brown cars that resemble the ubiquitous icons of city street signs in Stéphanie Pelletier’s Brown Car performance. Dare-Dare, Viger Square (Viger and Berri), 9 p.m.–3 a.m.

Pipe down while the organists put their hands and feet to work, both for a recital featuring work by Bach, and a sonorous series of off–the-cuff face-offs care of the Ligue d’improvisation à l’orgue. St. James United Church (463 Ste-Catherine W.), 9 p.m.–3 a.m.

Plow your preconceptions about Montreal’s blue-collar workers and bear witness to their skill and grace in Choreography for Snowplows, a movement for monster machines where the only salt you’ll taste will be the tears running down your cheeks. Parc des Festivals (corner Bleury and de Maisonneuve), every hour on the hour from 10 p.m.–1 a.m., weather permitting

Bust some sick moves—vicariously—at War is War, the b-boy/b-girl competition and graf-art expo hosted by DJs Devious and Static. Usine C (1345 Lalonde), 10 p.m.–3 a.m.

Get enlightened when musicians (including Nouvel Ensemble), dancers, poets and a painter illuminate the links between art and spirituality. Also, jot down your suggestion for making the world a better place—it’ll promptly be burned, and the ashes used to create a big ol’ work of art. Église du Gesù (1202 Bleury), 10 p.m.–3 a.m.

Shake yer rump to the thumping, crackling, bubbling, blasting sounds of la Nuit Électronik, presented once again as a joint venture between Piknic Electronik and MUTEK. Like Piknic Electronik, the summer-Sunday parties on Île Jean-Drapeau, la Nuit promises a packed dancefloor, an array of electronic music styles and a hefty heap of local talent. Like MUTEK, the world-renowned annual festival of minimal techno, the event promises live sets and a cerebral, spine-tingling dose of soundscapes and beats (and people from Germany). From the live sets, expect some dub-inspired progressive sounds and groovy, melodic tech-house from Montrealers deadbeat and Ernesto (respectively). Fellow local Akufen, meanwhile, will round out the night with a DJ set of airtight intensity. From abroad, we have Detroit-born Berliner Dan Bell and his minimal techno mastery, and Germany’s Wighnomy Brothers, aka Robag Wruhme and Monkey Maffia, who promise a cracking, eclectic set of everything from techno to nu jazz. Station C (1450 Ste-Catherine E.), 10 p.m., $25 before 11 p.m., $35 after

Shriek in fright at the homegrown horror flicks, plus sci-fi and action de chez nous, the Festival Spasm crew are screening in the Bistro SAQ. Cinémathèque Québécoise (335 de Maisonneuve E.), 10 p.m.–5 a.m.

Sip on a mug of chai—the tasty, traditional Indian brew of black tea, milk, honey and assorted spices—while DJ Andy Williams supplies warm sounds. Maison de Thé Camellia Sinensis (351 Émery), 10 p.m.-5 a.m.

Get stars in your eyes at Southern Skies in Montréal!, a panorama of the Antarctic night patched through live from the southern 60th parallel by the crew of the good ship Sedna IV. Outside, meanwhile, astronomy enthusiasts will have their telescopes set up for a better peek at our own northern heavens. Planétarium de Montréal (1000 St-Jacques), 10 p.m.–5 a.m.

Skate the night away at les Folies Hivernales. Music and live performances add to the fresh-air folly set against the city skyline in the Old Port’s prettiest rink, equipped with a heated changing room and cheap skate rentals. Patinoire du Vieux-port Bassin Bonsecours (Quai de l’Horloge), 10 p.m.–10 a.m.

Make like a screen at Matéo’s Night Spot, a big black box set up in the middle of Place des Arts, where Matéo M. will spend the night creating digital paintings and projecting them onto participants. Hall des pas perdues, Place des Arts (175 Ste-Catherine W., #416), 11 p.m.–3 a.m.

Go west, young man/woman, at least aurally—local guitarist Antoine Berthiaume’s new six-piece chamber orchestra Rodéoscopique unreel their “new western” sound, inspired by rootsy Americana, musique actuelle and the spaghetti-Western scores of the great Ennio Morricone. They’re followed by the funky fun of Papagroove. Piano Nobile, Place des Arts (175 Ste-Catherine W.), 11 p.m.–3 a.m.

Cross signals with fellow digital-art aficionados at Share, an interactive audio-visual environment modifiable to anyone with a laptop, synthesizer, sensor or any other device that can be used to send and receive signals. Foyer Jean-Gascon du Théâtre Maisonneuve, Place des Arts, 11 p.m.–5 a.m.

Take a whack at a giant piñata—after a yummy bowl of garlic soup, of course—while DJ El Padrino spins the Latin heat. Oh, and chocolate con churros for all at dawn, at which point there’s no guarantee that the party will be winding down. Club Espagnol du Quebec (4388 St-Laurent), from 1 a.m. on

Fatten up on a free, buffet-style breakfast spread, the perfect way to wind down a wild night. Complexe Desjardins, 5 a.m.

For more info, go to www.montrealenlumiere.ca

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