Dear Sasha: I am 46 years old and have a numb penis. Not totally numb, by any means, but I would say it has about 60 per cent of its former sensitivity and feels “dull.” This makes maintaining an erection and orgasm more difficult. I first became aware of this a couple years back, but I’m now thinking it may have been going on longer. (I thought a former girlfriend had a loose vagina—no I never told her, though I did casually mention kegels.) Now I’m wondering if the problem was just my dead dick. Help! I am recently married and this is not helping our sex life. I mentioned this problem to my (now former) doctor who said, basically, “that’s a shame.” —Novacock

Dear Novacock,
Very smart of you to keep mum on the baggy vagina business. A numb penis is better than a gelded one, no question.

I spoke to penile elongation surgeon Dr. Robert Stubbs. “I have had a couple of patients with that problem,” he said. “Most doctors do not believe them or do not want to examine that area. He needs to see a sympathetic neurologist. Smoking, diabetes, hard bike seats and so on, may be the cause.”

Naturopathic doctor Alexander elaborated: “Since the onset of numbness was at least a couple of years ago and affects his penis rather than his perianal region, he does not have the very rare but extremely serious cauda equina syndrome, which requires immediate medical attention. Cauda equina syndrome usually presents as a sudden onset and rapidly escalating low back pain, bladder and/or bowel dysfunction, perianal numbness and leg weakness. Left untreated, the syndrome may lead to paraplegia.”

Dr. Hall said decreased blood flow to the pelvic area is common as we age and can be accelerated by diabetes, high cholesterol and smoking, however, “parasthesia—numbness, tingling, altered sensations—could be indicative of a more serious problem than just decreased sexual enjoyment. A prolapsed disc or even a cancerous growth could also be pressing on a nerve that enervates the genitals.”

Another possibility, and one that seems to burden most relationships at some point and in one way or another, is anesthetizing sexual routine. “After experiencing the same forms of stimulation for so long, his body may need more of it to accomplish the desired results,” said Dr. Hall. “This is similar to the phenomenon of requiring six double espressos to achieve the same buzz that one mocha latte used to provide. I know that your reader will probably not want to hear this, but perhaps a brief period of abstinence of all activities involving direct stimulation of his genitals will bring about renewed sensations when he resumes genital play.”

Bottom line? “While nutritional, botanical and/or homeopathic supplementation would likely provide improvement or even relief of your reader’s concerns, I would recommend that he consult a naturopathic or medical doctor, or both, to rule out any serious causes of his genital numbness.”

Dear Sasha: I am a man with a problem with no easy solution. You see, I’m in a relationship of nine years with a woman who makes sex and just overall lovemaking a chore. I mean, to have any, it has to be when she wants it.

But that’s not exactly the problem—the problem is that I’m sure I am bisexual but I’ve never been with a man. I feel so attracted to feminine-looking and -sounding men as well as shemales I need to find out if it is real or just a problem stemming from the lack of sexuality in my relationship. —Unsure of What I Feel

Dear Unsure,
Sure, it’s no problem at all that the woman you’ve been in a relationship with for nine years has you in a sexual straightjacket. Let’s just move on to that other bit of business, absolutely.

Something that really struck me about Hanne Blank’s book Big, Big Love is a point she makes about people not openly acknowledging their appreciation for the fat because of the social pressure of having a “marginalized” sexual interest. Staying in a sexless yet outwardly conventional relationship wouldn’t be a convenient way for you not to live your true potential of being bisexual would it? Just wondering.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM