by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

It seems like only yesterday that Montreal label Stomp was founded to provide a platform for the ska scene exploding across the continent. Even with the ups, downs and sideways swerves that Planet Smasher Matt Collyer, Greenland honcho Paget Williams and frequent pants-remover Mike Magee—the trio now running Stomp—have seen since Stomp’s debut, it’s hard to believe they’re 12 years old. Hard to believe, that is, until Mr. Magee took it upon himself to answer some admittedly juvenile questions from the Mirror.

Mirror: According to the Web site of the Schwab Learning program for children with learning disabilities, 12-year-old boys “show a wide range of [physical] growth rates,” and “read adult newspapers or magazines, particularly those sections about topics of specific interest.” Also, “erections are frequent, with or without an obvious cause.” Can the same generalizations be made about Stomp’s staff?

Mike Magee: Yes. All of them apply. We are 12 year olds, learning disabled, read newspapers and we still get surprised by our erections every single day.

M: Ehow.com says that when buying a Bible for your 12-year-old, “select a Bible with a sturdy cover and binding. A binding that is sewn instead of glued will hold up under extreme handling.” What items do the Stomp staffers subject to “extreme handling”?

MM: Sorry, I gotta plead the Fifth on this one. I already talked about our erections.

M: According to a recent survey by the United States’ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, “at age 12, more children are using inhalants than marijuana, psychotherapeutics or hallucinogens… huffing can cause sudden sniffing death and there is no way to tell which child will succumb, or how many sniffing sessions it will take.” Has Stomp lost any of its staffers to “sudden sniffing death”?

MM: One of our interns used to have this weird contraption she called a parachute bag. She would fill it up with smoke and then crush it into her lungs at the speed of light. She didn’t technically succumb to SSD but I think she died a little inside. Another longtime Stomp staffer chucked his unconscious friend out of a treehouse after huffing paint thinner. No word on whether he survived.

Planet Smashers and Subb at Club Soda on
Saturday, Feb. 18, 8 p.m., $12, all ages

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