by SARAH ROWLAND

Has your dream of making a feature film turned into a financial nightmare? Are you tired of filling out confusing art council applications, only to be rejected? It doesn’t have to be this way, thanks to Kidnapper Films. For a limited time engagement, Montreal’s premier comedy troupe will present So You Wanna Be in Pictures?, a multimedia demonstration designed to show aspiring filmmakers just how easy it is to make millions of dollars by following six simple rules.

According to KF co-founder Matt Silver, one of the most important steps goes as follows: “Exploit your friends. First gain their confidence, love, support and all that stuff. Then shamelessly use them for goods and services. And afterwards be completely thankless and ungrateful.”

Okay, but what if you’re a trust-fund kid or have no burning desire to be the next Jean-Marc Vallée? Silver says you don’t need to count yourself out. The two-night bonanza promises plenty of new and hi-larious Kidnapper shorts and skits, as well as two very VIP guests.

“I don’t want to give it away but I will say this: They are Alberta ex-pats living in Montreal, who made a splash in Canadian film and are prodigious drinkers.”

Speaking of hosers who like to just give ’er, So You Wanna Be in Pictures? will be held at the very dry Cinéma du Parc, which means for the first time Kidnapper fans will not have the benefit of alcohol to enhance their sketch comedy experience... or will they?

“In no way does this have to be a sober setting,” argues Silver. “You can party there and nobody’s gonna stop you.” (Hint: Parc ushers rarely check bags and the theatre’s breathalyzer has been down for months.)

As for making more money, we may never know exactly how much the Kidnapper empire is worth. However, a source close to the group has confirmed that as of last year Kidnapper Films has been able to cover its postering costs. Still, they want more. “Our ultimate goal is to make millions of dollars and gain enough world power to control the international market,” says Silver unapologetically.

And having failed that?

“I think we would settle for our own TV show,” says Silver. “That’s the dream. That’s the grail. That’s what we’ve been hoping for and working towards.”

Translated: they spend a lot of time pitching pilots to TV execs in Toronto. “I think we’ve been there like six times just in the last year,” he continues. “It’s the worst thing in the world ’cause it’s a six-hour drive for what will end up being a 20-minute meeting. It’s a tough slog. In fact, we’ve been lobbying to relocate the centre of Canada—just move everything important and cultural to Montreal so we, Kidnapper Films, can cut down on gas.”

In the meantime, Silver and co. (Darren Curtis, Pat Kiely and Dan Haber) are focused on their upcoming performance at the Parc, where, ironically, several members of the comedy quartet are, or have been, employed. “As soon as we started working there, we started begging for a show,” recalls Silver. “I’ve been there for five years now, but this is the first show there. So no favouritism here. We had to earn this one.”

So You Wanna Be in Pictures? is at Cinéma du Parc on Friday and Saturday, Feb. 17 & 18, 11 p.m., info@kidnapperfilms.com

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