F Yep, this one’s for those dumb fucks talking about getting rid of hip hop. You know, it’s 2006. We’ve come such a long way—it’s taken eternity to bring music from sticks and stones to guitars and saxophones. You’d think that this was EVOLUTION. But your ignorant thoughts are just pollution on this, one of the world’s best music scenes. To even think of getting rid of music in any of its forms!? My feelings are so fucking forlorn. I’m a black female raised in this city. I know you aren’t speaking for the white majority, what you’re doing is just inciting hate. You need to stop and meditate on these words: Holocaust, genocide, Rwanda, genocide. If that’s your idea of pride, you need to go back to the drawing board, homes, because what you’re saying is absolutely wrong. Peace and blessings and in the words of our famous brother, Rodney King: “People, I just wanted to say, can’t we all just get along?” Fuck. [BLEEP!]

M You know, I miss Dimebag Darrell. But I’m okay, I’m okay. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah. All you piece of shit artists out there, fuck you. Stop your complaining about Montreal. This is North America’s easiest place to live, the lowest fucking rent. The schizophrenic weather, whatever, deal with it. This is the bomb shit! You realize all these bands that have succeeded out of Montreal that are huge aren’t from Montreal—they’re from other places that cost way too much to live. They come here, they do their shit, they get the fuck out. You guys have no idea how rough it is in the REAL WORLD. Montreal is not the real world! If you guys were living in New York, you’d be fucking dead. So all you artists out there complaining and whining that you’re struggling because there’s no support, fuck you. If you really wanna get out there, you’d do it. End of story. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, what’s up, ranters and readers. This is Goose 371 from the GMP crew, just letting you all know that the new mix tape is out. That’s right, The G Empire Strikes Back, which can be copped by sending us e-mail at

gmpmixedtapes@hotmail.com. Just to PLUG that shit. There’s also a show on February 9 at Focaccia on University street. It’s only, like, seven dollars, you know? You’re gonna see some serious rap. All right? Peace. [BLEEP!]

F You know what would look really cool? If everybody who went to a Montreal Canadiens hockey game, like, everybody in the RED section just wore red, everybody in the BLUE section just wore blue, yadda, yadda, you get the point, right? I think that’d look pretty damn TRIPPY on TV and would fuck the other team up. Wooooooord. [BLEEP!]

M This is to the idiot about Satanism and new hippie culture. You’re embarrassing Satan and you’re embarrassing hippies. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M The Internet’s a fad. It’ll be gone in 10 years. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this goes out to all of the COCK ’N’ BULL GIRLS. My boys and I have a request. Please do not take or give out a phone number if you have no intention of calling. Play nice. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. I’ve been a waiter in this city for about seven months now and I don’t wanna start any cultural wars or anything, but it seems to me that francophones are horrible tippers. I mean, $1.50 on a $20 bill, as opposed to an anglophone, who will leave about five dollars on the same amount. I just wanna know if it’s just me or if other people in the city experience the same thing. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Hope you’re gonna publish this. This is for the English cunt calling about the Irish. If you have a problem with the Irish, man, just join us, man, and we’ll show you a fucking good time, you twat. [BLEEP!]

F All right, people in Montreal, I’m just wondering, as a female, where do I find nice SPECIMENS of men? I’m not talking about the guys who are, “Yo, I’m white but I’m hip hop,” I’m not talking about the guys who are like, “I’m black and I’m tough.” I’m talking about just a real man, a NORMAL guy—where are the normal good-looking men of Montreal? Because I’ve been to so many bars and… if anyone could enlighten me, I would be forever grateful. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. My name is Alexander. I’m calling straight from work and I just wanted to say that I’m the one who’s always running around in my UNDIES at Foufounes Électriques. But I think that G-strings have got to come back. I see that all the girls and guys are not wearing them anymore. Right now, though, there’s this girl at work, she has one on and it’s all good. So bring back the G-string! [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Chauvinist Pig. So what are you trying to do—take your FEET out of your mouth now that you’ve made an ASS of yourself, shown that you’re a pig, a jerk, stupid and inconsiderate? Guess what? A VAGINA—it belongs to a woman. She does what she wants with it. [BLEEP!]

Next week: The Rant Line™ will be on annual winter hiatus until February 23. We apologize for the inconvenience.