Dear No Need,
You may want to begin by making sure, if you are unable to keep your vibrator out of the trajectory of the spray, that you are using one that is waterproof. Call or e-mail the store where you bought it, tell them the brand, and they should be able to advise you. Don’t panic—many vibrators are water-resistant so even if yours isn’t, there’s quite a range to choose from, should you have to replace it. Secondly, yes it’s true, bath towels are often futile in the face of this abundant liquid. However, my own bed has been bone dry thanks to the miraculous mattress protectors that are Luv Linens. You can order them online at www.luvlinens.com.
I’ve found most people amenable to ecstatic over the possibility of female ejaculation, though I have to admit I’m not always thrilled about it myself, and lately I’ve been dealing with the same issue as you. Can I just once for crying out loud have sex without turning into an ostentatious, incontinent freak? To make matters worse, most sources that discuss female ejaculation really push the Divine Love Nectar perspective and don’t get into how to stop the flow because they obviously don’t want to imply it’s anything less than a gift from the Goddess. I get all twisty around language that deifies sexuality—don’t even think about getting all Tom Robbins on my cunt or I’ll kick you—and it’s nearly impossible to get away from this message when it comes to discussion of the G-spot.
I called Deborah Sundahl, author of the book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. Sundahl is considered one of the foremost experts in female ejaculation, though she scoffs at research done by Dr. Gary Schubach that suggests female ejaculate is simply hormonally altered urine, and comes from the bladder. In her book (which I haven’t read) she says the source is unknown, and that Schubach’s research is “just one study.” She did mention that in 2001 the American Medical Association acknowledged there was a female prostate, but Schubach actually catheterized women and found the liquid came primarily from the bladder.
Sundahl doesn’t discuss how to control ejaculation in Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, though she claims for her part, it’s pretty easy to control. “You may find a little trick with time,” she says. For now, it looks like you’ll need to “encourage and celebrate what is going on there,” (I told you...) and with some practise, you’ll figure out how to turn it on and off at will. “It sounds like she really figured out how to do it and unleashed the dam,” says Sundahl. “Now she can spend a little time learning how to control it.” I asked if Kegels might help, and she said indeed, exercising your PC muscles helps expel the liquid, as well as clamp down on it.
Sundahl recommends “never springing it on a partner who doesn’t know about female ejaculation.” She feels that male partners in particular may get performance anxiety in the face of such a mysterious disclosure. “Give them time to digest it. They just got down the oral sex thing. When they’re confronted with something new, they feel intimidated, and you want to empower a man when you tell him.” I’m a little more up front than that, but then, I’m not attracted to people who are easily alarmed. I just say, “By the way, I may submerge the bed.” So far nobody’s left.
