by SARAH ROWLAND

How old is too old for a crotch shot? Will Scientology be the ruin of Tom Cruise’s box-office draw? And did Jesus have a wife? These are some of the questions that may be answered over the next five months as the major studios unleash their intended blockbusters.

First, let’s go back in time. It’s been 14 years since Sharon Stone launched her career by crossing her legs sans ginch in Basic Instinct. But we’ll have to wait till March 31 to see if the 47-year-old actress goes commando in the sequel Basic Instinct 2, where she’ll be returning as the bisexual, homicidal novelist. Only this time, she won’t be screwing with Michael Douglas’s head—she’ll be practising her moves on David Morrissey.

As for Cruise, it’s hard to believe (or care) that in between bashing Brooke, denouncing psychiatric therapy and parading his Dawson’s Creek kid around, he had time to make Mission: Impossible III (May 5). And Catholics, get out your picket signs. On May 19, Ron Howard’s take on Dan Brown’s bestseller The Da Vinci Code will be in theatres. Starring Tom Hanks and the always-adorable Audrey Tautou, the plot theorizes that the Son of God was a mere mortal tied down to the old ball & chain Mary Magdalene.

Other suspect big budgeted releases this season include The Pink Panther (Feb. 10) featuring Steve Martin in the role that Peter Sellers made famous 43 years ago—and considering how many times the opening date for this updated version has been postponed, expectations are pretty low. For the kids, we have an animation adaptation of Curious George (Feb. 10) which features the voice of Will Ferrell as the beloved Man in the Yellow Hat.

Imported goods

If you’re more into imported goods—as opposed to mega American spectacles—there’s plenty coming your way from the Commonwealth. From Australia, there’s Cate Blanchett’s hit Little Fish (March). The Oscar-winning actress has garnered a lot of press ink in her native land as well as on the festival circuit for her stellar performance. Here, she plays a recovering junkie who gets dragged back into the Sydney drug scene when her good-for-nothing ex tries to weasel back into her life. Also from Down Under, John Hillcoat’s flawless western The Proposition will screen in North American theatres this May. Written by Nick Cave, the film stars Guy Pearce as an outlaw whose only option to save his little brother from a public hanging is to turn his older brother in to the crooked sheriff.

Over in New Zealand, we have The World’s Fastest Indian (March 3). Set in the ’60s, Anthony Hopkins stars as a retired Kiwi who soups up a 1920 Indian motorcycle and ends up setting the land-speed world record at Utah’s Bonneville Salt Flats in 1967. From the U.K., 24 Hour Party People’s Rob Byrdon and Steve Coogan have reunited to make Michael Winterbottom’s Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story (Feb. 17), a hilarious film within a film that’s based on Laurence Sterne’s novel. Basically, if you don’t think this period-piece spoof is funny, then you have no sense of humour.

Critics' picks

Other films cinephiles are buzzing about include The Notorious Bettie Page (TBA), in which Gretchen Mol strikes a pose as the pin-up legend-turned-bible-thumper. And the psycho drama Keane (TBA), has earned British actor Damian Lewis plenty of critical accolades for his portrayal of a New York schizo who makes daily visits to the same bus terminal in search of his missing daughter. Tommy Lee Jones’s southern-fried drama The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, which cracked more than a few top-10 lists in the States last year, will get its Montreal debut in April.

Over in blog city, sci-fi geeks have been salivating all over aintitcool.com in anticipation of Richard Linklater’s adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s A Scanner Darkly (TBA), which features Keanu Reeves as a futuristic government spy with some serious identity issues. The graphic-novel-style animation also stars Woody Harrelson, Robert Downey Jr. and Winona Ryder—remember her? And Michael Pitt, who is best known for mumbling his way through Gus Van Sant’s Last Days and fucking his way through Bertolucci’s The Dreamers, stars in Aaron Woodley’s debut feature Rhinoceros Eyes (March)—a coming-of-age drama that won the Discovery Award at the Toronto International Film Festival. Matt Dillon, meanwhile, seems to be on some kind of winning streak, which started with his scene-stealing portrayal of a racist cop in Crash, and continues with the starring role in Bent Hamer’s cinematic interpretation of Charles Bukowski’s Factotum (TBA).

Reality rocks

Now onto the keeping-the-reel-real category. Compared to 2004—which boasted Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones and DiG!—2005 was a dismal year for rock docs. But it looks like we’re back on track. This winter alone, we have Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey (Feb. 24), an anthropological look at the evolution of all things heavy; and The Devil and Daniel Johnston, a sad, funny and true portrait of Austin’s premier outsider musician/mental case. There’s also Neil Young: Heart of Gold (Feb. 24), which features concert highlights from two back-to-back shows Young played at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium.

Another live footage flick worth checking out is Dave Chappelle’s Block Party (March 3). Several months before the Comedy Central star walked out on his $50-million (U.S.) renewal contract, he threw himself an underground party in Brooklyn and asked some of the biggest names in hip hop to jam including Kanye West, Mos Def and the Fugees. They said yes.

And anyone who saw The Aristocrats will remember Sarah Silverman’s bit about Joe Franklin raping her. Well, if you thought that was comedy gold, you’re in luck. Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, a stand-up concert film, will screen at the Cinéma du Parc next month.

Politically speaking, there are also a couple of noteworthy documentaries slated for release this winter, starting with Why We Fight (March), which takes a look at America’s obsession with military supremacy. And then there’s Albert Nerenberg’s Escape to Canada, a doc that explores our relatively lax laws when it comes to marijuana and our comparatively progressive views on gay rights. But alas, if the polls are any indication of who our next PM is going to be, then the film may be totally obsolete by the time it unreels at the Parc Feb 17. Bono, where are you when we really need you?

Festival forecast

Officially, Montreal’s festival season runs June through November. But just because the warring sponsor hogs are on hiatus till next summer, that doesn’t mean there aren’t a bevy of the small- to mid-size fests worth looking into. For starters, we have the 24th Rendez-vous du cinéma québécois (Feb. 16–26), which showcases the very best in homegrown cinema from 2005. Then there’s the 10th annual Festivalissimo Iberian-Latin American (March 2–10), a celebration of Spanish cinema. As well, there’s the 24th International Film Festival on Art (March 9–19), which will screen approximately 100 bios on artists from every discipline. Later on in the season, you can look forward to the 22nd Vues d’Afrique film festival (April), and the 11th annual Jewish Film Festival (May).

In addition to all the festival frenzy, local specialty theatres and filmmaking comedy troupes have plenty to offer. For example, the Cinémathèque québécoise offers a spotlight on South Korean cinema from the ’60s to present day (March 1–9), and Britain’s internationally acclaimed animator Phil Mulloy is flying in for a one-day (March 22) special presentation of his major works. For more info on the latter two events, visit www.cinematheque.qc.ca.

And the Goethe-Institut (www.goethe.de/montreal) will continue its “Berlin Before the Wall” series (until March 24) with 10 rare films that pay homage to Germany’s mystic city between 1927–1989.

And finally, Kidnapper Films will put on another one of those sketch comedy-short-film-variety-show things that they do so well at the Cinéma du Parc sometime in mid-Feb (www.kidnapperfilms.com).

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