M I agree. Let’s get rid of hip hop. Let’s also get rid of books that we don’t like. We can burn those. And religions. Religions that are kooky and make no sense to us. Let’s just get rid of those as well. What else can we get rid of? Let’s all agree on which races we don’t like and get rid of them too. And just DANCE the night away to good old-fashioned house music that has apparently been with us through the ages. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’ve got a response for that KILL ALL HIP HOP girl. Clearly you just said the message to provoke and to entice quarrels and bashing and promote non-acceptance. So I return you this: If hip hop is supposed to be the big violent thing and house music is all happy, then how come you’re the one starting beefs? It’s kind of ironic. I suggest you look into what hip hop is and not just scratch the surface. Because if I were to limit myself to scratching the surface now, I would think that you’re a fucking tool and you know what? I’m sure you’re more than that. But you know what I’m saying—it’s a shallow world, dog eat dog. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, what’s all this about Rugged Intellect, man? If anyone been to the Masta Ace show, Côte-des-Neiges, Kent Park in summer of 2005, they can clearly remember him losing to a crew called Golden Mics Production, namely Ceasrock and Johnny Hostile. And it wasn’t a freestyle battle, it was a song battle, a track battle. A battle of raw talent of who can make the best track. So there you go. [BLEEP!]

F First Barry White, then Luther Vandross, and now—oh God, I can’t believe it—my absolute favourite Lou Rawls is dead! There just doesn’t seem to be very much soul left and it’s really kind of sad, because SOUL music is really, really beautiful. It’s all about love and making love and how much you love the person you’re with. I guess we live in such a hip and ironic age that that music just doesn’t seem to work for very many people anymore. But, you know, for a brief period in time—well, actually for a few decades—soul music ruled. People danced together and made love together listening to the great, great soul vocalists. So if everyone can just take a moment this week to pause and think about Luther Vandross and all the great soul singers who have died recently—and there have been far too many in a brief period of time. Especially the most fabulous Lou Rawls. [BLEEP!]

M I seriously do not understand all this bitching about the radio stations in Montreal. Does anybody listen to CISM 89.3? It’s sick. They play awesome shit all day long. Super independent. Good bye. [BLEEP!]

M Satanism is the new hippie culture. Spread the word. [BLEEP!]

M You worthless, bottom-feeding, inbred bastards. The music scene sucks? The fucking music scene sucks? Kids getting stabbed at their own school. Two-year-old girls getting raped by their own brother. Women being beaten and raped and killed every single day. That’s what fucking sucks. [BLEEP!]

F People used to be addicted to pot, hash, mescaline, cocaine, heroin, LSD etc, but now in 2006 they are addicted to myspace. [BLEEP!]

M Is your name Sarah? Do you have a brother named Boris? Do you remember a boy named Mike? It’s been torture without you. Look up my father’s name in the phone book. Ask your brother which town he lives in. [BLEEP!]

F This is an important message for Swamp Thing from the TWP. Hey, it’s me, Anal Amy. Listen everybody, we all chipped in on this kid’s birthday to buy him a hooker, and she had actually had sex with him and he lost his virginity. The thing is he had some SALIVA that came from her mouth from her sucking his dick and now he thinks that her saliva went on his balls and now he has AIDS. So can everybody please tell him that he does not have AIDS and that’s not how you get AIDS. Swamp Thing, you do not get AIDS from getting a hooker sucking your cock! [BLEEP!]

F Hey, to that guy who thinks that chicks have to DEEP THROAT his cock when they come over. Hey, but we do know it’s 2006! Maybe the girl who didn’t was planning to and you fucking turned her off. Ever think of that, guy? [BLEEP!]

F Yo, dude , why do you think that just because a girl complies to come to your place she wants to fuck? Obviously, she thought you were a decent guy and actually wanted to get to know you. Was watching the documentary you discussed not clue enough? This is 2006! Chicks shouldn’t have to tell you that just because we have an interest in you it means we’re interested in your fucking cock. Especially if she’s a SHOOTER GIRL. I’m sure she meets plenty of good-looking assholes she could suck on in the BATHROOM of the bar if she wanted to. She was probably more disappointed than you are about the end of the date. Chauvinist pig. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum