by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

Montreal in 2006 has thrilled us with news. We’ve enjoyed an unidentified ankle-skater infiltrating the Canadiens hockey practice, surely inspiring a future movie starring a furrow-browed Roy Dupuis. The same week, a blind Star Académie star allegedly drugged and threatened her blind boyfriend, blindfolding the blind guy first just to make real sure.

Stuff is heating up. It’s building. I can feel it. The Sealtest cows are practically busting out of storage.

I now realize I’ve been approaching this news business wrong. You don’t want important news. You crave the unimportant. Every tendon, gristle and cell structure hungers for news you can’t use. The less important, the more important.

So this is huge: a unique Québécois art collection has vanished. Michael Anstead’s famous “bec” collection, valued at perhaps several dozens, is gone.

As you undoubtedly know, in the mid-’80s Montreal stained-glass maker Michael Anstead assembled the world’s largest collection of items from companies with names wielding the “bec” suffix.

Anstead overnight found himself the world’s most prominent collector of bec artefacts. But he had no bec on his own business, while his rival was called Tiffanybec. Need I say more? Low on cash, Anstead moved back to Vancouver in 1992.

At his going-away bash, Anstead held a draw for his collection-o-bec. He recalls that a woman won it, but that’s it.

The 57-year-old now sits in Vancouver reminiscing over his lost treasure that included a Tarte-o-bec package inside a Provibec bag.

And that’s just the beginning.

His empire-bec included: literature from Escabec stair company, Viand-o-bec butchers, Logibec computers, Visbec plastering company, Habitabec magazine, Aquabec beds, Cuisibec kitchens, Florabec flowers, Savbec soap, Pharmabec pharmacy, Oeufs Bec-O, Partagebec dating service, Calvabec liqueur, Nutribec dog food, Beignebec donuts, Cafebec coffee, a box of Cro-en-Bec chips, as well as evidence of the oft-employed Canbec. A consumer could easily survive on bec-exclusive purchases.

Many of the companies have slid off into oblivion, as did his collection. But the wisdom he gained still shines bright.

“I learned a lot. I learned that it was fun running after a Plancherbec truck and asking for a business card.”

Anstead was fuelled by his suspicion that the “bec” was “code for a local Québécois business.” Says he: “In the ’80s, Quebec was entering a very insular era and I started to notice the frequent use of the Bec suffix. So I started a collection, expecting to find a couple of dozen. When this collection grew to be hundreds of business cards, bottles, cans, packages and bags, all of different companies who chose the bec suffix, it became quite an amazing statement.”

Quebec consumers found the bec a friendly-sounding name. You must remember this, a bec is still a kiss.

I think we anglo dominators missed a chance to co-opt the raging bec-o-mania. Had our institutions added three or four lousy letters, we’d still own this rotten place and dominate its inhabitants like we used to in the good old days. Eaton-o-bec, Pascalbec, McGillbec, Miracle-Mart-o-Bec. What good Quebecer wouldn’t line up outside these places?

Out in B.C., Anstead has moved on to other, um, interesting things. He has a Kraft Dinner art collection. And he’s been amassing those little square plastic bread bag fasteners, sorted by expiration date. “I’ve been collecting them and just about have the whole set: one for each day of the year.”

Ever notice how Montrealers really turn it up a notch when they move out west?

Anstead once dreamed of turning his bec collection into a “huge Quebec map.” But alas, his plans and the collection itself appear forever lost.

If anybody has the bec collection, it might be valuable. I’m not saying that it is—I’m saying that it might be.

• • •

Time to revise your drinking map. The Miami, the ultra no-frills second-storey joint on the Main, is closed again, this time perhaps for good. The thrice-suspended place—it’s a restaurant in theory—has a date at the courthouse Jan. 23, and its future looks dim. The similarly landmarkesque Do Drop In on Wellington in the Point is also closed for good.

Comments? kgravy@openface.ca