Dear Sasha: I’m in my late 30s and have been enjoying porn since I was a teen. My tastes vary from different forms of erotica to full-fledged hardcore. I’ve always watched with my girlfriends, finding it that much more erotic to enjoy a woman’s reaction. I have come to the conclusion over recent years that I would like to produce, seeing as how I think I can create highly erotic visuals for the masses to enjoy. The problem is, I don’t know where to start. I don’t even have a clue as to what a start-up budget would resemble, what actors get paid, who to approach for distribution or whether to distribute independently! Are there any guides available out there? —King of Porn

Dear King,
The first thing you need to know is that everyone in the entire world thinks they can make better porn than what’s available, and you will be entering what has been a perpetually saturated market for more than 5,000 years. “There are ways he can get in the business as a hobby,” says Webcam babe Seska. “It might take off or it might just be expensive. It depends on the product, but more on whether he is good at marketing.” Seska then directed me to Sam Sugar’s fucking excellent blog at www.sugarbank.com. If you go to the October 2005 archives, you’ll find a highly entertaining and edifying series he wrote about making and marketing professional amateur porn. Just to give you an idea of Sam’s insightful humour:

“Prep in advance. The camera sees detail you ignore in the heat of the moment, i.e. freshly waxed flesh looks like cold chicken peppered with tiny scabs, and bras leave dents in boobs for up to an hour after they’ve been removed. Few people outside porn spend much time staring at their exposed ass—ensure everyone checks their airlock for Klingons.

“Homegrown Video accepts video submissions,” Seska continues, “but they tend to want a certain natural feel to them. Nothing too subversive—at least in porn terms—or artistic. Just real folks having sex in well-lit situations.”

Http://peek.homegrownvideo.com/index.php?c=165&a=25&w=9&r=Y is where details can be found.

Dear Sasha: Every time I masturbate, I find that even a day later I can still smell myself on my hands. It was never a problem before, since it’s my own smell and I’m not completely averse to it. However, I am now seeing someone and it seems to be an issue. I notice he’s reluctant to go down now. Personally, I don’t mind, since I prefer to be fingered than licked. However, I know my guy loves to go down on a woman and although he doesn’t say anything, I think it bothers him. I am a very clean person and otherwise there is usually no foul smell coming from my vagina—it’s just my juices that seem to stink. Is there anything I can do about the smell? —Smelly Juices

Dear Smelly,
“The number one thing I’d look for is undiagnosed bacterial vaginosis, which can otherwise have no symptoms,” says naturopathic doctor Michelle Bodner.

Personally, I’ve noticed commercial tampons make my intimate bouquet a little more maritime than I like. I don’t wear rayon panties for anything but show and tell, why do I feel comfortable putting a rayon tampon in my vagina for hours at a time? When I can afford it, I go for the unbleached organic cotton ones available at health food stores.

You can also aggravate BV and other vaginal infections by washing too much. Your vagina, in an attempt to balance itself out, works overtime. I know it’s tempting to try to keep whatever’s brewing at bay with a little soap, but like they always say, just wash the little lady with water.

“Another thought is that she may be overly conscious of her own body smell, and rather than something being wrong, it may be that she is overly sensitive to it, or fixated on it inappropriately,” says Bodner, “though I’d suggest ruling out BV first.”

True, many of us are quite divorced from the reality of our vaginas, but there are many books available to get in better touch. Check out www.thevbook.com, the Web site for The V Book by gynecologist Elizabeth Gunther Stewart and Paula Spencer, which also includes online resources galore.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM