by RAF KATIGBAK

One of my crafty friends recently customized a hideously gorgeous, bright-red and green Cosby sweater to read “___ Days Till Christmas!”—complete with felt numbers that can be Velcro’d on and off as the day gets nearer—and I hate him for it. Not because I hate all crafty people, but because I don’t need to be reminded how much of a procrastinator I am when it comes to Christmas shopping.

Yes, I am one of those pathetic bastards scrambling around Pharmaprix on Christmas Eve, looking desperately for that special something for my family—much to the dismay of my brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. “Wow! A pack of pink, disposable razors and some highlighters! Gee, thanks, Uncle Raf!” My aversion to shopping at this time of year might have a little to do with my serious allergy to adult-contemporary versions of already annoying Christmas carols, and mobs of glaze-eyed shop-a-holics, but mostly because, if you wake up hungover after two-fisting pints of holiday cheer almost every night, like yours truly, time is at a premium.

Speaking of time, it looks as though, despite opposition from other clubs in the area, the city’s first “late night club,” Kloc (1450 Ste-Catherine E.), will be opening its doors this Saturday, following a successful court ruling. Kloc will have a regular bar area (called le Drink), serving booze until 3 a.m., but will stay open until 5 a.m.

While the concept is similar to Stereobar and the old Sona bar/afterhours affiliations, the three advantages I see are: a) an extended session of drunken dancing (just enough to get your ya-yas out without the commitment of chemical-based party enhancers), b) people who have yet to hook up with Mr./Miss Right (or Right Now) having an emotionally-charged, two-hour overtime period, and c) the streets being less flooded with noisy, drunken louts at 3 a.m. sharp. Sounds like a good deal to me! DJs for this Saturday will be Robert de la Gauthier, Nivoc and Pascal B.

Since charity is one of the great pillars of any faith, and given the permanent cancellation of the Siegfried & Roy show in Las Vegas, giving to those in need has officially become the greatest gift to give this season. Montrealers, being the good Catholics that we are (well, mostly), have brought much opportunity for give-age to the table. Check Ninja Tune’s Hell’s Bells party at the Casa del Popolo this Friday with assorted Ninja staffers like Luv, Superultramega and Tashish (free with a non-perishable food item), or Mile End Records’ Dans la Rue fundraiser at le Manoir (1445 Bishop) on Saturday with Patrick Dream, Vivie-Ann and more ($10 donation at the door). Also on Saturday, DJ Bliss revamps Voyeur as Luxx with new resident Miss Molly and special guest Luc Raymond. Monday night, Blizzarts delivers yet another reason not to stay home floggin’ your nog. Join DJ Fighters for a very special Non-Denominational Significant Winter Holiday Slowdance! In the words of DJ Fighters, “Who says cultural sensitivity and getting shitfaced have to be mutually exclusive?”

BAH, HUMBUG! Diskoakimbo@sympatico.ca

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