Dear Sasha: I’m researching for a film I’m about to direct. I was looking for a unique fetish that I could endow my lead character with. Do you have any suggestions? —Ray

Dear Ray,
Though I would advise against suffusing any film or literary character with too obviously an elaborate fetish I knew nothing about, there are many that would give your character conspicuous “edge”—to some people anyway.

There are various problems involved in doing this, though. Firstly, the fetish as revealing/ intriguing character trait is both dated and overused. It means nothing if you’re simply slapping it onto a lazily conceived character as window dressing, and this formulaic effort will resonate for years to come. It’s apathetic character development, and if done irresponsibly, can negatively affect the prevailing social attitude towards a kink for years. Bearing this in mind, you’ll find the book Deviant Desires by Katharine Gates helpful. The Web site associated with the book, www.deviantdesires.com, is also a wealth of information, and you can correspond directly with kinksters on the feedback forum. I e-mailed pro domme Contessa Cintra and asked about some of her favourite and freakiest clients. This one’s a peach:

“I had a client that was obsessed with the colour navy blue and had a thing for those old cable knit navy blue tights,” she wrote back. “He and I would wear matching outfits all in blue. Blue turtleneck, toque, shoes, and blue jeans that had worn out holes to reveal the cable knit tights underneath. I was an undercover cop and he was a ‘sex criminal.’ He would pretend to steal tights from people’s clothing lines—we were outside and I planted the tights beforehand. It was my job to follow him and arrest him. Upon interrogation that ensued, he would admit that he followed women and later broke into their homes to steal their tights. I would tell him that he was sick and would have to be thrown in jail where there would be no navy blue for him. He’d plead with me not to send him away, all the while clinging to my legs that were covered in said tights. The more I said, ‘No navy blue tights,’ the more excited he'd get, eventually ejaculating.”

And the Oscar goes to... Blue Steal?

Dear Sasha: At about 5 a.m., our three-year old son woke and came into my wife and my bed for a cuddle. We all went back to sleep, but I soon awoke because of the crowding and moved into our son’s now empty bed to continue sleeping. Around sunrise, I woke for good, and masturbated before getting up, something I have done regularly since fourteen.

The trouble is that for my wife, the fact that I masturbated while in our son’s room means to her that I must have some serious lack of judgement and sensitivity. She called me an animal without control, and insists I must also see it her way—the way that “everybody would,” that it was fundamentally wrong. She once told me that she remembers her grandfather stuck his finger inside her when she was three—the same age that our son is now. I wonder if this sexual assault is a factor in her reaction. What do you think and what more can I do? —At a Loss

Dear At,
“Animal without control” is Abu Ghraib. It’s Darfur. It’s Rwanda. You, pleasuring yourself privately in the comfort of a warm bed in any room of your house before you start your day is perfectly normal. Your wife’s experience may be speaking to her reaction, and she’s probably worried that you found the atmosphere arousing, but the truth is, most people who enjoy masturbating would masturbate in a septic tank if they happened to fall into one and had a bit of time to pass. Masturbation is a natural, vitalizing and free expression of pleasure, something we all have too little of, in my opinion. Your wife needs to separate her abuse from this reality, because frankly, what’s going to be most damaging to your child’s sexual psyche is a cloistered state of sexual vigilance. The Survivor’s Guide to Sex by Staci Haines is a great place to begin looking at, and healing, these issues.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM