» Holiday CD Buying Guide

The karma of good giving

Handy tips on how to reap what you sow

by MATTHEW HAYS

So we’ve all heard that line about how it’s better to give than to receive. And we’ve also heard, just as many times, that inner voice screaming, “What a load of horseshit!” Let’s face it: The holiday season is about opening some fancy-ass wrapping paper and finding that ideal gift that’s perfect for you and no one else!

But in order to get there, you have to give in the first place. So choke back that granola, rub those crystals and put on your favourite folk-music CD, because what follows is the Mirror’s guide to building up good gift karma. Remember, once you’ve given this stuff, these people owe you. Savour these tips on how to reach material Nirvana!

SATE THEIR SWEET TOOTH Cake-lovers have discovered one of the most divine spots in town, Cocoa Locale (4807 Parc, corner Villeneuve) where gift certificates of whatever amount you want are available. This place serves up gateau like nowhere else.

FOOLS UNITE For the first time, Paramount home entertainment is offering the entire MTV Jackass collection on DVD. Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O et al go for the crass gold in this set of three discs with a bonus disc of never-before-seen material, as well as a 48-page commemorative book. $69.99.

BUILDING MERRIMENT Architecture buffs will appreciate the new edition of Manhattan Skyscrapers (Princeton Architectural Press), Eric P. Nash’s exhaustive look at the island’s most impressive high-rise structures. The buildings are gloriously captured by photographer Norman McGrath, accompanied by Nash’s succinct, informative writings about their varied histories and beginnings. $45.

CUM ALL YE FAITHFUL Plush toys make for cute gifts, but imagine the look on their faces when you hand them one in the guise of… sperm. Yes, that’s right, those little swimmers make for presents too—if not necessarily for the wee ones. On sale at Madame Edgar (6370 St-Hubert at St-Hubert Plaza), Hubert the Sperm sells for $20.

GETTING GIRL-DRINK DRUNK In this carefully-compiled Holiday Cocktails Deck (Chronicle), the recipes for 50 seasonal beverages (and there are a few non-alcoholic ones for teetotallers) are included with suggested serving temperatures and lively visuals on a set of cards. Bartender extraordinaire Jessica Strand’s varied recipes—including a Midori-spiked “Grinch” and a “Chocolate Kiss”—will sate a broad range of tastes, each drink sounding equally delicious. $18.95.

GO DISCO Yes, it’s tacky, but isn’t that a crucial part of this holiday season? They are mirror-ball ornaments, the perfect fit for any fake tinsel tree. (Hey, don’t knock those either—the real ones cause umpteen fires annually.) I can almost hear the bad disco playing as I lovingly hang these on my tree. Available at one of the city’s best new gift shops, Zed Objets (3779 St-Laurent). Small mirror balls: $1.95. Large: $5.95.

HAPPY DICKMAS Shopping for that filthy-flick enthusiast has never been easier, given this season’s release of The Big Book of Porn: A Penetrating Look at the World of Dirty Movies (Quirk Books). Author Seth Grahame-Smith has compiled an unapologetically het male look at the business, neatly side-stepping the massive gay-male porn culture, but it’s still a fun read. The best parts, undoubtedly, are the porn-movie posters (including The Satisfiers of Alpha Blue, Deep Throat and Talk Dirty to Me, among many others) beautifully reprinted here. $26.95.

MONSTER MASH After decades of waiting, it’s finally here: four episodes of the cult oddity The Hilarious House of Frightenstein are now out on a single DVD (Empire Pictures). This show will set off jarring childhood memories for many, evoking a time when poor children without cable were stuck with a three-channel TV universe, of which this wacky, spooky spoof was a staple. Shot on the cheap in Hamilton, Ontario, in the early ’70s, the show was introduced by horror icon Vincent Price and starred the late Billy Van playing what seemed like every other character in the Frightenstein Castle. Hard to believe this show ever existed, it’s both compelling and unwatchably rotten at the same time. Love the bits where the guy in the gorilla suit falls over after being hit in the head with a golf ball—now that’s comedy! $17.79.

Silver bells Some of the most unique and exquisite jewellery design in Montreal is undoubtedly at Argent Tonic (138 Laurier W.), the small but packed boutique in Mile-End. The distinctive designs are all created locally, made with various stones and Mexican silver. Bold and striking design features will make this a gift the recipient will never forget. Prices vary from $60–$400.

MAGIC HANDS End-of-term deadlines for students, anticipation of seeing all those darling relatives, freeze-to-the-bone temperatures—it’s a point in the year when stress runs high. Gift certificates are available at some of the finest spas and massage spots in town. Rainspa (55 St-Jacques), located in Old Montreal, offers a number of massage therapies and products, while the Plateau’s Bliss (3841 St-Laurent) provides a soothing Zen atmosphere well suited to forgetting one’s troubles. Prices vary.

STRANGER THAN FICTION This documentarian has been called a profound artist-philosopher, and here, his greatest works have been brought together on DVD for the first time in The Ross McElwee Collection. Long before Michael Moore became world famous and won an Oscar, McElwee was making deeply personal first-person documentaries that often had political overtones. This set includes Time Indefinite, Six O’Clock News, Bright Leaves, and the film that is arguably his masterpiece, Sherman’s March. $129.99.

LEGO GOES CYBER If you go to Lego.com, you can download their new digital designer software. This then allows you to create your own structure from Lego, all in an entirely virtual plan. After you’ve finished, you can order the parts necessary to make your design, allowing you to build your own concept out of actual Lego blocks. Lego blocks—is there anything they can’t do? Prices vary depending on what you build.

BENT TALES The queer bookworm will appreciate a new series launched by Arsenal Pulp Press called Little Sister’s Classics. These are re-issued gay and lesbian-themed classics, among them Richard Amory’s Song of the Loon (first published in 1966), a lusty gay frontier romance, and John Preston’s Franny, The Queen of Provincetown (first published in 1983). Older readers will find the books nostalgia-charged trips, while younger readers will get a sense of how far we’ve come (and still have to go). All of these editions feature introductions by prominent gay writers who reflect on the impact the books had on them. Provincetown: $17.95. Loon: $21.95.

EAT, DRINK AND BE VERY MERRY Author John Rose has culled a wicked assortment of mouth-watering recipes, all of them requiring a very special sauce. The Vodka Cookbook (Kyle Cathie) features everything from starters (vodka-steamed shrimp cocktail and Martini pizzetta flambé among them) to main dishes (disoriented duck and grilled filet mignon with vodka teriyaki sauce). Just try not to go through too much of the stuff while doing the actual cooking. $24.95.

SUBLIME SILLINESS Though many imitations have followed in its wake, the 1980 everything-including-the-kitchen-sink comedy Airplane! set the standard for big-screen foolishness. The 25th anniversary, “Don’t Call Me Shirley” DVD edition is available this month, and includes new interviews and deleted scenes, as well as directors’ commentary. $21.99.

WOOD IS GOOD Locally-based Iko Designs has created a series of beautiful wood bracelets, hand-crafted from woods from Africa and South America, including ebony and bocote. The wood has an incredibly smooth texture, each bracelet made with careful attention to delicate detail. Available at Reborn Boutique in Old Montreal (231 St-Paul W.). $350–$500.

RETRO BIZARRO Proprietor Billy Mavreas has always prided himself on gathering up the most unusual bits and pieces of high-class junk and antiques, a collection that makes his shop, Monastiraki (5478 St-Laurent, corner St-Viateur), feel like a museum of the strange. Religious kitsch, wacky plates and even Michael Jackson buttons! Prices vary from $2 to several hundred.