by LORRAINE CARPENTER

Oscar Wilde once wrote, “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” Christmas shopping, an activity rife with tragic overtones, is a case in point. Even mall rats and Wal-Mart junkies are afflicted by the seasonal dread, every storefront wreath and garland taunting us with the challenge to find fabulous gifts for friends, lovers, parents, nephews, cousins, co-workers and brothers in law. And when we find them all at Zellers, as I did one year (to my shame and horror), there’s a good chance that those tree ornaments and plastic-smothered baskets of flavoured coffee and waffle sticks were made by a half-starved, one-legged child in a Thai sweatshop. With cholera. Put that in your stocking and stuff it.

But there is a way to simultaneously avoid endorsing slave labour, dodge the downtown hoards and support regional handy-men and women. Though there’s often less variety and more money involved, craft fairs offer an alluring alternative to impersonal, mass-produced factory fare, made with loving hands, hungry only for your cash.

The Roy Street Collective’s Christmas Emporium (111 Roy E.) promises toys, ornaments, clothes, cards, soap, handbags and objets d’art made by over 30 local craftspeople. Among the artists and their work at this fourth annual event are Geneviève Paquette’s recycled-leather accessories, Dora Vasquez’s South American jewellery, Nathalie Gagnon’s handmade notebooks, Lena Breijer’s dolls and tea cosies and Heidi Metha’s painted glass and cyber-goth clothing. Browse and buy on Dec. 8–9 from noon–9 p.m., and Dec. 10–11 from noon–6 p.m.

The Rusty Plum/Madame Plume Craft Fair at St-Michael’s Church (105 St-Viateur W.) celebrates 10 years of hockery with its biggest event yet. Expect over 50 craft and fashion designers, including Dana Dekuyper’s Damned Dollies, Julie Peterson’s Spice Lab and Rosa Roquette’s hand-sewn critters and respective stories, along with a craft/play area for kids and fair-trade vegetarian food and drink, from Dec. 10–11 and Dec. 17–18, from 11 a.m.–7 p.m.

So much for avoiding downtown crowds. Over 400 designers, weavers, whittlers, cooks, carpenters, candle-makers, glass-blowers and viz-artists are packing ’em in at Montreal’s biggest, best known and probably priciest craft fair, le Salon des metiers d’art at Place Bonaventure (900 de la Gauchetière). Alongside the shopping, le Salon marks its 50th year with historical exhibits such as 50 Years of Creative Work at le Salon… and The Life and Work of the Nunavik Inuit, as well as competition-exhibits such as Flavours Pavilion and Skillful Hands. The fair is open from 11 a.m.–9 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays, and from 11 a.m.–6 p.m. on Sundays, and on its last day, Wednesday, Dec. 21.

It’s take three for Souk @ SAT, the installation-style sale at the Societé des arts technologiques (1195 St-Laurent). Along with craft-fair staples such as soaps, bags and linens, Souk @ SAT features outré music, awesome lamps and light fixtures, funked-up clothes and freaky puppets, neatly arranged in a space made to look and feel like an eccentric luxury house. Take a peek on Dec. 9–10 from noon–9 p.m. and on Sunday, Dec. 11 from noon–5 p.m.