Dear Sasha: I’m wondering if there’s a sex toy on the market designed to stimulate the breasts the way a human mouth would. When I masturbate, there is nothing that gets me off quicker than bringing back the memory of my favourite lover kissing and sucking my breasts. Likewise when I am with a man. If I’m touching myself down there, and he sucks on my breasts, I get really hot really fast. I especially like it if a man knows how to “milk” a breast. Since I am going through a dry period, I would really appreciate something that feels as close as possible to a warm, wet human mouth on my breasts, preferably with some gentle sucking action. Do you know of anything? —Margo
Dear Margo,
Carlyle Jansen, owner of Toronto sex shop Good For Her and a mom herself, confirms that a breast pump—those things new mothers use to express milk—would replicate this sensation. Your best bet is one that’s electric, and this one at www.momsmaternity.com/
product.asp?id=1333&category=Ameda+Products looks like a beauty. Don’t blame me if you get spoiled for the real thing though—it actually mimics a variety of sucking actions, and there are two attachments so you can get some duo nipple play going. You may also enjoy vibrating nipple clamps for a different sensation, available at Come As You Are (www.comeasyouare.com) for $59 a pair.
Dear Sasha: Firstly, I’d like to applaud “Generous but at a Loss” for his intelligent questions [“Exotic tastes,” Sasha, Oct.27 ]. At last, a guy looking for something more than just a lay. Although I would generally agree that sex workers should be allowed to practise their work, I wonder what are the reasons you would justify such a practice beyond the simple fact that sex workers would be safer if it was legal (or decriminalized)? Because I—and many others—just can’t shake the fact that somehow it just seems wrong. —Basically Agreeing With Legal Sex Workers but With Some Reservations
Dear Basically,
For me, fewer raped and dead hookers is a good enough reason for decriminalization, but okay, I’ll elaborate. You know the expression, “You have nothing if you don’t have your health”? What this implies to me in one respect is agency over your own body. If this is clearly something we value as independent citizens, why do we feel the need to control those who choose to use their physical agency sexually and for financial gain?
Listen, I know there’s something unsettling about people who have such different or unambiguous ideas about sex that they can profit from it so directly. Why aren’t they toeing the same party line you—and many others—do? Did incessant morality tales have no impact on them?
I’m reading a book right now called Naked Ambition, essays by women in all aspects of pornography. Though most of the women writing have not done traditional prostitution, I think it should be de rigueur for everyone who expresses that vague and damning anxiety about sex work to read anecdotes from those actually in the trenches.
Dear Sasha: While surfing online one day, I ended up linking to a Web site that features an explicit picture of my neighbours, a couple I once thought to be just your average folks. Well this ain’t your average Web site. It’s for swingers. I feel a little awkward. Do I tell mention to them I’ve seen this? —Nathan
Dear Nathan,
Sweetie, everyone’s neighbours are swingers (or cross dressers or skat fetishists or plain old in and outers) and frankly, I can’t think of an expression more suited to the first than “just your average folks.” If they posted pictures of themselves online then they’re clearly not afraid of being recognized, but I also think lots of people believe that the vastness of the Internet and the kind of perfunctory anonymity with which you use it makes for few identifying possibilities. You don’t need to make a fuss. One thing I gleaned in the sex trade was a self-preserving discretion—don’t ask, don’t tell, and when someone tells you they’re in construction, don’t pry—that I think all people would be well off adopting.
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