On the plus side, at least he wasn’t taken down in a hail of police bullets. Just the same, Methuen, Massachusetts, resident Michael Panorelli will be turning elsewhere for his construction materials after his local Home Depot busted his ass for absent-mindedly walking off with the store’s pencil.

Panorelli was handed the pencil after buying some lumber, used it to dash off some figures, then slipped it into his pocket and left the store. Before he could make his getaway, he was accosted by a Home Depot employee who gave Panorelli two letters. One explained that shoplifters like him are not welcome at the Home Depot. The second warned Panorelli that he’d be hearing from company lawyers.

Panorelli took the letters and his story to the Lawrence, Mass. Eagle-Tribune, who gladly reported it. Within a day, Home Depot issued a written apology blaming an overzealous adherence to the company’s shoplifting prevention rules. Panorelli, however, is neither ready to forgive nor forget, saying he’d prefer to give his money to those who don’t treat him like a criminal.

» Scott Saxon