M Hello, this is DWC. I was at THE STRAWBS concert last night. Fantastic show! I haven’t seen these guys in 30-some years, but they still have it. But what I don’t get is how come there were only 40 people there? Come on, Montreal, support these old groups! They’re still doing good and going strong. [BLEEP!]

M In response to the suit-and-tie pedophile who said Manic Manon was a middle-aged has-been. Manic Manon is ageless, you idiot. She’s got even more SPUNK and attitude than when I saw her loyally going to punk shows while you were learning to be a pedophile sucking on your baby sister’s tits. La Shop is a great place, by the way, and Manon is very cute. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M To that guy insulting Manic Manon. Well, the thing is, she’s doing something—what are you doing? Huh? Nothing. So until you go and do something and take a risk and take chances, shut the fuck up, okay? [BLEEP!]

F Manic Manon is one hell of a fucking great musician. That’s the first thing you need to know. As for your ignorant comment regarding these kids: If your idea of a junkie GUTTER BABY is a spiky 15-year-old with a gorgeous rear end, you are fucking retarded. Long live rock ’n’ roll, you fucking poseur. [BLEEP!]

F This is for the person who said that jazz is black music. No, its roots came from my country, the U.S.A., New Orleans! You’re always trying to copy us, wearing our hip hop and our sports team clothes. You’re driving like you see on our television programs and now you’re into gang violence because you think it’s cool. You’re a victim of our media too. [BLEEP!]

M Howdy. This is some guy who went to Meow Mix on Halloween. Hey, if it’s gonna be an all-women event, please label it as such so I don’t get made to feel like an asshole just for showing up. You know, I feel it’s really bad that lesbians in the city have absolutely no place to congregate. But I have heard that Station C is opening up to become a new open-until-5 a.m. after-hours type of place. You know what I suggest? Storm it. Take it over. Call it your space. Hallelujah! [BLEEP!]

F Assholes, assholes, assholes. This is a shout out to all the assholes who ranted back at the person on her bike. Check it out. She wasn’t biking for you. She wasn’t biking to show you her LEG. Women don’t wear short skirts just for men. Women wear short skirts or long skirts or whatever size skirt they want for a whole variety of reasons. And no matter what I wear, I don’t deserve to get raped. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, to the anti-social bitch who gets offended when other human beings try to interact with her. Women like you are what make men MISERABLE in this day and age. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the crazy bitch. Listen, if you wear a skirt on a bicycle, you realize that when you’re pedaling, you go up and down and you’re FLASHING YOUR PUSSY to everyone. So don’t start freaking out about it. And I also like the fact that you mention that they wouldn’t talk to you if you were unattractive. I think someone has a big head. [BLEEP!]

F [original bicycling skirt-wearer] Listen, if you must know, I almost never wear skirts but, on that particular day, I had a brand new TATTOO on my leg and I couldn’t wear pants. And I don’t think it’s too much to ask to get some basic respect and not unwanted advances from middle-aged assholes. That’s all. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I just wanna know about the Cock Worship Temple—you know, with the cock worship priests and stuff? So, like, is it in NDG or do they have a Web site? Let me know. [BLEEP!]

F (w/ others laughing in background) This is a message to the men of Montreal on behalf of the women of Montreal. We have a really serious public announcement to make. We just wanted to say that really, really truly the BUNNY FUCK does not work! That is the worst way. In terms of, like, being part of a sexual union or anything kind of sexy, it pretty much hammers you out of that and I’m kind of feeling like a HOLE in the ground. It takes you out of that moment. You’re no longer the animal sex kitten that you want to be because you’re lying there jiggling around and it’s really totally absurd, bizarre. Just to let you know. [BLEEP!]

F I’d like to take this opportunity to bitch about some of my co-workers. They’re fucking bitches, man. Like some day it’s totally cool and then you turn around and it’s like fucking SCORPION woman. Whoa, take a chill pill, girl—we’re just trying to all work together and have a great time at our fucking minimum wage job. That’s all I wanna say but you know what? You can keep your NASTY ENERGY because now that I’ve called the Rant Line™ and let it all out, I’m full of peace and love once more. Peace. And love. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum