by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Stephanie Mitelman

Age: 30-something

Occupation: Sexuality educator

Bio: This delightfully vivacious NDG broad was first introduced to the study of sexology in university, “and all of a sudden a light bulb went off,” with the dedicated youngster quickly realizing beyond any doubt that teaching folk how to slap on condoms and the like was to be her professional destiny. An “expert” in adolescent sexuality, Stephanie is constantly spreading the good safe sex word in area high schools, and, over the past six months, has been dedicated to re-launching the Montreal chapter of Planned Parenthood—an organization defunct in these parts for close to 15 years but soon to be re-opened under the handle of the Sexual Health Network of Quebec, with our beloved Stephanie assuming the responsibilities of El Presidente.

How often she comes across God-fearing types certain that educating teens about sexuality will hasten the arrival of Armageddon: Rarely, praise the Lord, “but Montreal is a more liberal city than most. The research shows 95 per cent of parents here want their kids to receive sex education at school, but the five per cent who don’t for whatever reasons—or want abstinence-only training—tend to be very vocal about it.”

Does she ever come across kids who blow her away with questions concerning subjects such as the most sanitary way to engage in scatting activities, or how to tie a superior bondage knot, or how to clandestinely apply a condom using just one’s mouth, the way an experienced prostitute might? No. “The questions they focus on are more with respect to STD prevention or birth control, which, you know, is what I’m there to teach them.”

Do the kids she instructs ever develop crushes on her—an older woman always talking all sexy about VD and stuff? “I hope not. That’s one of the great misconceptions about sex education, that it’s somehow sexy or sexual. I mean, I’m pretty chill with the kids, but it’s really more of a medical approach.”

Does she ever find herself developing crushes on the kids? “Oh gosh, no! And this really is an area to be careful about. Because sexuality is a more personal subject than, say, math or geography, rumours start much quicker. I’ve seen sex educators being attacked for being pedophiles when they were award-winning professors in the field.”

Something else she does: “A lot of work in Native communities, setting up sex education programs.”

Something every health-conscious and responsible pedophile should be aware of when trolling for tots in Native communities: That the rate of STD infections among Native youth is “usually eight to 10 times greater” than that of the non-Native population.

Her favourite place to hang: At the Pelle spa on Sherbrooke in Westmount.

One project she’s got in the works: A film “documenting teens’ attitudes and experiences with sex education across Canada. We’re still in the funding stages though.”

Last book read: The War on Choice, by Gloria Feldt.

Musical preferences: Marvin Gaye, Sade, Alicia Keys.

Words of wisdom: “If you’re going to play, play safe.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net