F Hello. This is Manic Manon. Me and the volunteers of l’X opened this all-ages venue called the Shop. It was doing fine until people from out-of-town—you know who you are, you fucking poseurs with the INSTANT BROWN MOHAWKS—you made it a point to cause shit in the neighbourhood of our club. Example: tagging “Anarchy” on the neighbour’s house, breaking the windows. We’ve been breaking our balls to have a place where you losers would finally be accepted and enjoy a good show without any repression, but now you put us in a fucking position with the cops and the landlord. Well, you’re probably going to lose the Shop and l’X altogether. History repeats itself and I’m getting sick and tired of helping people who enjoy shooting themselves in the foot. Thank you for destroying the scene and all of our hard work. Fuck you all. [BLEEP!]

M Hello, Rant Line™, this is one of the Nutsak members. We just played at an ex-strip joint and we made $4 each tonight, I guess we played about a 45-minute-set. It wasn’t much of a crowd, but this is just to say that that’s $4 each more than many, many bands—including major big rockers like the Donkeys—made playing two shows at Pop Montreal. Four dollars versus no dollars. And they had to pay for all their transportation costs and everything. So next year we’re gonna do a festival called the Ex-Strip Joint Montreal Festival where all bands will play and you’re all guaranteed to make at least $4 a night. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, listen, I’m trying to figure something out here because it’s a real problem for me. I want to know why every hipster in the Plateau now looks like a member of Wolf Parade. Can you explain this to me? It’s some sort of cultural disease. I mean, I like the band, I love the band, but please, it’s got to stop. It doesn’t make sense, all right? [BLEEP!]

F All right, so I’ve lived in Montreal for the last five years and I’ve loved it here and unfortunately I’m leaving for Ottawa soon and I’m embarrassed to even say it. But my rant is that Montrealers tend to be way too cool for school—as soon as something becomes big or important, or as soon as somebody pays any attention to anything, they’re ready to dismiss it. And it just seems rather ridiculous to me. Shouldn’t we appreciate things for what they are instead of this strange HIERARCHY OF COOL that seems to be established in this city? Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I was just looking at the before and after pictures of Ivan in the Mirror and living on the West Coast has obviously been good for Ivan. My God, he looks 15 years younger, 20 pounds lighter and, Jesus Christ, his HAIR has even grown back. Amazing. [BLEEP!]

M My fiancée and I are watching CTV late night news, it’s 11:50, it’s Thursday, October 20. We’re just wondering what the hell the Weather Lady is wearing. It’s terrible. [BLEEP!]

M Is it just me or does Tommy Schnurmacher look more and more like a GAY RABBI with each passing Sunday panel on Global? I remember him dressed up like Jojo Savard on CTV ages ago. What’s up with that dude? [BLEEP!]

M My rant is about people not knowing that there are city ELECTIONS on November 6. I know a lot of intelligent young people who are complaining about all kinds of stuff and then when I tell them, “Hey, do you know there’s elections coming up?” they either say they don’t know or they don’t care. So everybody, get out there and vote! And while you’re at it, vote for Projet Montréal. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, I got a dog and I’m always walking like some jerk with bags, picking up my dog’s shit. So how come I just saw some BLIND bitch let her dog shit on the sidewalk then get on the bus without even looking back? Is that normal? How come these blind pricks can take their dogs in stores, on buses, or even let them shit anywhere? I mean, these guys got noses—don’t tell me they can’t smell it. Yo, use your nose and find that shit then pick it up, fuck. Just because you’re blind doesn’t mean your hands will never get dirty. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M This is for that crazy madman who wants more violence. Well, I hope he gets his fuckin’ teeth kicked in for 365 days and every single night too. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Rant Line™. Today I rode my bike wearing a SKIRT, six blocks in total. And within that five minutes, two separate men felt it necessary to start talking to me as I rode by. What makes you guys think this is acceptable behaviour? You wouldn’t talk to me if I was a man, you wouldn’t talk to me if I was unattractive, you probably wouldn’t even talk to me if I wasn’t SHOWING LEG. So don’t fucking talk to me! Those guys probably don’t even read the Mirror but it’s food for thought for the rest of you anyway. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum