M This is in response to the DISGRUNTLED DRUMMER looking for a band. I believe you said your name was Ratman. First of all, you called three times, not six. Second, our ad asked for someone professional and reliable. In case you can’t read or don’t know the definitions of these words, the following may help. A drummer with a drum kit that “is a piece of crap, needs to be welded back together but does the trick,” is not considered a professional drummer. Strike one. A person who does not have a phone or even a phone number where they can be reached is not considered a reliable person. Strike two. A person who responds to a drummer wanted ad at 6 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning is a desperate fucking idiot. Strike three. And you didn’t speak to an arrogant person on Monday morning. You spoke to a tired, hungover, “who the fuck is calling me at 6 a.m.” person. If you look up the word “arrogance” in the dictionary, Rat Man, you’ll find that arrogance is what you displayed while leaving your rant. In all sincerity, I hope you bury yourself while tunnelling towards the underground. My advice is to keep digging. Meanwhile, our search continues. [BLEEP!]

M I wanna say that Montreal needs more HATE and more violence. Fuck all this pretty fucking emo shit. Fuck all the emos. Fuck all the dumb sluts—specifically the fucking emo dumb sluts that ride the 356 every fucking night. [BLEEP!]

M You know, I just don’t know anymore about the music scene. I mean, I remember Liz Phair saying how her last album was “a big long fuck you to the underground scene—I want nothing to do with it again.” And so I’m reading your glorious paper and bingo! Guess who I see? Liz Phair. Saturday, October 22 at Café Campus. Now, I don’t know what to think of this. Isn’t it kind of sad that people come crawling back on their KNEEES after one failed album attempt to pull the Avril Lavigne thing? [BLEEP!]

F I’m sorry, but I can’t believe this girl who ranted about the Audioslave show. That’s the only thing she had to say? Oh my God. Let me tell you about Chris Cornell—up close, he’s like looking at a JAGUAR FELINE. Let me tell you about good old Soundgarden: “Gun,” “Jesus Christ Pose,” “Fourth of July,” “Zero Chance.” Want more? Wanna talk orgasm? This guy sang, “Can’t Change Me” in French. In French, goddamnit! Whether it be Audioslave, Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog or just him and his guitar, this guy is one of the GREATEST POETS OF OUR TIME. Now, that’s orgasmic. Little girl, why don’t you go and jerk off while looking at the singer from that band Thirty Seconds From Mars because you’re the one who missed out. [BLEEP!]

M I just want to make a rant. I went to see Capleton and it was wicked. Military Man was wicked. Although I still don’t understand how everyone can be so HOMOPHOBIC. I’m not bitching about this. I believe in freedom of speech. However, I feel there is some kind of HYPOCRITICAL RELIGIOUS NONSENSE involved. Most gay people, if you ask them whether they believe that Rastafari should be accepted or black man should be unshackled in Jamaica and North America, they would be behind the struggle for the black man and all people, not just black. Me, I’m from Brazil—we got our fucking problems too. I have friends in Kahnawake—they’re First Nations people—and if you study them, they accepted gays and homosexuality throughout history. Traditional natives, they never even questioned whether that was normal or wrong and that’s probably one of the oldest civilizations on the planet. And if you study Africa, it’s a massive continent and some tribes didn’t care about homosexuality and some did. So you can’t say it’s Babylon. I’m not calling in to criticize or to attack, I just want someone to make me understand why—besides the Bible—that it’s wrong. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F This is for the bitch who’s talking about people wearing pajamas in La Cité. Maybe it’s because we don’t give a fuck about what you think of us. I don’t care if you think it’s too INTIMATE. I’m not a McGill student, I’m not an out-of-towner and I do it. Why? Because it’s comfortable and I couldn’t care less about your snobby-ass ways. Why the hell should I dress up to go to the grocery store?! [BLEEP!]

M Okay, the Parc avenue bus at four o’clock today, it’s full of people. A pregnant woman gets on—quite pregnant—and she’s in front of the bench where you’re supposed to give up the seat, all right? On the seat is a 24-year-old guy dressed in very good clothes listening to his music and a 40-year-old woman in perfectly good shape and a man in his late 60s. Who gives up the seat for the pregnant woman? Guess. [BLEEP!]

F I was on my way home from a walk in the park with my DOG when a city worker stopped me and gave me a warning for not having a dog license, saying it was a $150 fine. On my way home, I saw about five CATS running around in the street. Does anyone have licenses for cats? What’s up with that? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum