Dear Sasha: I’ve got this incredible new lover who absolutely loves going down on me. The problem is, I’ve been single for a while now and have become virtually dependent on my trusty Hitatchi Magic Wand for all my action. Prior to that, I used to masturbate with detachable showerheads or whirlpool jets, going back to my early teenage years when I discovered I had a clitoris that liked buzzing things being held up against it—a lot. I’ve never been very good with my hands, and previous boyfriends have all been accommodating when it comes to indulging me with bringing my vibrator into bed. I’m sure the new guy would be in favour of that, but the problem is I can’t seem to orgasm from subtler sensations. I can get totally aroused by oral sex until I’m bucking it broncostyle, but only once or twice in my life have I been able to come that way. I desperately want to, though.

Does this mean I’ll have to put the Magic Wand to rest and re-learn how to pleasure myself? Do you think it’s possible to learn how to masturbate from a book? If I can, it’ll probably also help me climax from other positions when I’m having sex too, other than your standard girl-on-boy reverse missionary. I guess I’m feeling altogether too vanilla and not nearly versatile enough for a woman in her late 20s. —Needing to Unwand

Dear Needing,
Yes, I think a person can learn how to masturbate from a book or video and there are many on the market worth looking at (see www.goodvibes.com for quality selections), but don’t forget that your body has its own unique design. While you may try different positions for variety and fun’s sake, they won’t always lead to orgasm. Your clitoris is not a brooch. You can’t just unfasten it and pin it on wherever it feels best, and not all women find its internal stimulation climactically compelling—certainly not effortlessly anyway. Also, books and videos that teach masturbation to orgasm don’t do so with the objective of teaching you how to come under any circumstances, most in fact steer clear of what they might perceive as a competitive approach.

Why do you feel you need to come from subtler sensations? Is this how you perceive sexual versatility? True, some women get off on a gentle sensation, but then again, they would probably have to put eight towels between themselves and the Wand. Look at you, you could ride across Canada on a Norton Commando with no pants on and you’d be just fine. This is not a flaw.

I too, am a devotee of the old Hitachi Magic and share the concern that my method perpetuates an undesirable monomania, but I brought neither it nor girlfriend out east this summer, and did just fine getting off with fingers and sunsets alone. The key seems to be not forcing the issue, and though I hate to make such immutable pronouncements, it looks like (swagger) age and experience might also be improving my ability to come under variant conditions.

And speaking of toys, I’d like to share some more general information for dildo aficionados. Several months ago I responded to a fellow looking for a more realistic dildo. A few options were discussed, but there wasn’t really anything on the market that I would give two categorical thumbs up to. Thanks to the good ladies at Vixen Creations, that’s all changed. They’ve made a new model out of 100 per cent premium silicone that is the most realistic—almost creepily so in fact—counterfeit cock I have wrapped my hands around. They begin the manufacturing process by creating the interior with a harder silicone, then coating it in a more yielding one. Test drives were pleasurable beyond expectation, especially when the item was dunked in hot water in advance. Their rollout model, Tex, is a nice five-inch number and is Caucasian. For orders and information, www.vixencreations.com or, in Canada, www.comeasyouare.com.

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