by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Ryan Rider

Age: 17

Occupation: Wrestler/radio host

Bio: This hulking Dollard girltoy and host of Main Event Wrestling Radio, heard every Sunday morning from 10:30 a.m. till noon on CJLO 650AM, has so far been wrestling primarily in the WAW league, with most of his bouts to date having been held outside the city, “you know, in places like St-Donat, Ste-Adèle and Ste-Agathe.” But Ryan is hoping all this will change if he can just weasel his way into the über-prestigious Lance Storm Wrestling Academy in Calgary next summer. The only problem, however, is Ryan, a man as passionate about wrestling as anyone could ever possibly be, currently lacks the requisite $3,500 tuition, and as such, has just launched a campaign appealling to the public for donations.

Why people should donate their hard-earned cash so some West Island kid can go to wrestling school: “Because if you really want to make it big in wrestling you have to go to one of these major schools to get the proper training. And I really appreciate the fans. There would be no wrestling business without the fans, you know, and if you guys want to see a good entertainer, a good wrestler in the future, then you’ve got to help me out now. Once I get to that point you fans won’t be disappointed. I will do anything to entertain you. And I’ll never forget the support you guys gave me.” Send your dollars to ryanrider@gmail.com.

Has he tried approaching the Canada student loans program with his plight yet? No.

Doesn’t the Lance Storm Wrestling Academy offer academic scholarships? Ryan doesn’t think so.

The thing about wrestling which gives him such a pronounced boner: “In the fifth grade something changed my life forever: professional wrestling. The date was February 15, 1999, and my friend had brought a [pro wrestling] videotape over to my house. I was instantly intrigued by the unique mix of athleticism, colorful characters and, back then, due to my raging hormones, the beautiful women. After that, I was hooked for life.”

His wrestling shtick: “I’m always the bad guy, the cocky, arrogant bad guy.”

Does he ever come across fans who don’t quite get it and want to rid the world of bad guys, figuring Ryan Rider, wrestler extraordinaire, is as good a place to start as any? “Well, I’ve had stalkers who’ve tried to hurt me but nothing too serious has happened yet. But at one point some guy found my home phone number and started calling up randomly in the middle of the night threatening me. That’s stopped now, but yeah, I’ve had some problems.”

Does he think his stalker might have been an upcoming opponent, just trying to psyche him out before their bout? “No, I don’t think so.”

Is it really true wrestling might be fake? “Oh no, I wouldn’t say that. Sure, the winner is predetermined, but it’s definitely not fake.”

Last book read: Dusty: Reflections of an American Dream, by George Steinbrenner.

Musical preferences: Green Day, Our Lady Peace.

Words of wisdom: “When you thought you had all the answers, I changed the questions.”

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca