Police call it an armed hostage taking; the alleged hostage says it was all a gag. But let’s start with the drinking.

According to Amanda Lacey, she and Dominic Peck had already had a few at Peck’s Barry, Wales, flat when the police arrived and ordered him to “open up.” Amanda says Peck, who had a restraining order preventing him from entering the city, winked at her then shouted, “Fuck off! I’ve got a gun and a hostage.” Things quieted, then Lacey looked out the window and realized police were surrounding the building.

The two got back to drinking. When Lacey again peered outside, the tell-tale red dots of laser sights twinkled across her chest. She says Peck “lost his rag” and threw an axe out the window. Amanda claims she tried to call police to tell them she was in no danger but the battery of her phone had died. Then came the gas canisters, followed by cops in riot gear kicking the front door in and firing a rubber bullet into Peck’s crotch.

In addition to a two-year jail sentence, Peck’s awaiting surgery to remove his exploded testicle.

» Scott Saxon