by CHRIS BARRY

Name: John Talbot

Age: “Mid-30s”

Occupation: Party planner/businessman

Bio: This garrulous NDG go-getter had been working as an extra on area film productions when it dawned on him “that the most exciting thing, the absolute pinnacle of being an extra, was to make it to the wrap party.” After the casting director of Barney’s Great Adventure reneged on an invitation that would have seen our boy hanging with the burly purple dinosaur at the film’s final wrap party, the crafty yet dejected former accountant decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. “I figured if I couldn’t get invited to these parties, I would just start organizing them myself.” And within a couple of months his new party planning business was well on its way, with John soon finding himself playing host to countless thrilling celebs looking to part-ay in our humble burg. These days, however, with fewer international film productions coming to town, John has been concentrating his efforts on throwing “industry mixers” for the local, um, industry.

What’s so great about hanging at celebrity parties in the first place? “Two words: open bar. Oh yeah, and free food.”

So does he just call up, say, Liz Taylor, and tell her there’s a way cool get-together at Brutopia with free food and an open bar, wanna come? “No, it doesn’t really work that way. “

A few exciting celebrities who’ve hung at John’s bashes: Benjamin Bratt, Ryan O’Neal, Stephen Dorff, and that most celebrated of celebs, Ginette Reno.

Do celebrity enthusiasts generally have to suck his cock before earning the privilege of hanging at the same party with a big star, like, say, Charisma Carpenter? “Funny you should say that, Charisma is in town right now. But you know, after throwing over 50 wrap parties, I’ve only been offered one blow job.”

Was that offer from Charisma Carpenter herself, hoping for her own invite to a wrap party? No.

How to score an invite to John’s next industry mixer this Oct. 6: E-mail him at johnsfun@hotmail.com. “But I can’t just invite everybody. You’ve got to be a relatively cool person and you can’t just come to hand out resumés. These are gentle social events.”

One important trick in getting people out to your gentle social event: Chicks, chicks, chicks! “I own part of a modelling agency so there’s always models around, but you also need at least one big producer, so when the ladies come up and go, ‘Okay, who’s here?’ you can point them to ‘the man.’”

Something you might have already known about show biz: “A lot of producers would be making more money if they were in other industries, because these guys really are strong businessmen. But it’s no secret that the commodity—or resource—that keeps them in the film business is young ladies.”

Where you might find him boozin’: The Claremont.

Musical preferences: Fleetwood Mac, AC/DC, Elton John.

Last book read: From Reel to Deal, by Dov S-S Simens.

Words of wisdom: “Doing the impossible is lots of fun.”

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca