How often it’s been thought that if cars had vaginas, women would never have to deal with the dumb guys again. That argument came a little closer to being successfully proven in Kansas City, Missouri, recently when, faced with the choice of either having his car towed or possibly bleeding to death, a 35-year-old man decided it best to move the car.

According to a female witness, the man was stabbed repeatedly during an altercation with another man. She immediately called the cops, then, concerned for something as meagre as this chap’s life, she and a second witness offered to drive him to a hospital. The man refused, explaining he thought that if he left his car there, it might get towed.

By the time police arrived, he was gone. Once he had driven himself home and safely parked his car, he called for help. The man was taken to a hospital where he is, unfortunately, not expected to die.

» Scott Saxon