Dear Sasha: After much deliberation, my boyfriend and I decided that a comb-over was not something either of us would find very sexy, so a couple of months ago he shaved his head to offset the signs of impending baldness. He looks fantastic, but there is a problem. A big one. I have begun to have the most disturbing fantasies about him being a skinhead who fucks me senseless in full gear—18-hole Doc Martens, suspenders, the whole kit. I haven’t told him about this fantasy, and rest assured I am horrified by it myself, but it makes me weak at the knees every time I imagine myself bent over the bed watching those boots planted on the floor behind me, and just stroking his head (the one on his neck) sends me off. We have a great and open sex life, but I feel like this might just be going a little too far. » Girl Makes Bald Confession

Dear Girl,
I am relieved to hear that you are horrified by your sexual fantasy. Lord knows I’ve never played boudoir games involving the finery and tactics of oppressive regimes. Nobody’s ever been dragged across my bedroom floor, begging officer Sasha for mercy, their wrists wrapped in their own underwear.

It’s been said before: Terror and oppression in managed circumstances are sexy for some folks, and let’s face it, we need all the help we can get keeping things lively between the sheets—you can’t always be connected face to face, gazing into one another’s eyes crooning Air Supply songs. Sometimes a girl or boy needs a nasty rogering, and if it eases your conscience at all, you wouldn’t be the first to sexualize this look. Seriously, gay men have been at this shit forever. My guess is that those longing rubs you’ve been giving your boy’s lid haven’t gone unnoticed, either. Make it so.

Dear Sasha: My loving wife has a fantasy that I want to make happen for her. She wants me to have online sex with another woman. The problem we have is finding a totally free site. Every site we have found so far states it is free to join, but to chat or view e-mail you have to pay a monthly fee. As we are on a limited budget we were hoping for a free site where I could chat and have online fun. » Yahoo?

Dear Yahoo?,
There are lots of sites where you can hook up for free online sex no matter what your status, one of them being adultfriendfinder.com—a site that actually has an online sex/chat-for-couples-looking-for-women option. Now of course, they try to woo you at every turn with platinum and gold memberships, but a basic membership is still free, though yes, it is more limiting.

And speaking of online sex and dating, remember all those times I raved about Nerve Personals? I need to take it back, or at least offer a serious caveat. The whole system has been radically changed within the past month. Basic membership is now exactly like every other online dating site—that vexing combination of bland, busy and bullying—and to add insult to injury, they’re trying to make it seem like it’s not about them trying to make more coin.

Yeah, I believe that as much as I ever believed their slogan—that they’re the dating service for people who don’t need dating services. (If anyone needs a dating service, it’s socially and sexually uncoordinated indie rock boys and girls.) Sure, the profile questions were laboured and tricksy, but they either gave way to genuine honesty or exposed pretension; you could just tell when a person was straining to be winsome.

Now it looks like these services are only available to, you guessed it, premium members and those with basic memberships have had their profile altered and condensed in weird ways. (Hey! What’s this about me being a lesbian looking for a long-term relationship?) Anyone else pissed about this? You can e-mail me and I’ll forward your complaints, or e-mail them yourselves at nervenotes@nerve.com.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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e-mail: pouledeluxe@yahoo.com