M I was at the Pearl Jam show and I just want to say that I find it really shit that a band of their stature would make it that NO ALCOHOL could be served after 9 p.m.—without informing the fans. Perhaps by putting it on the tickets, perhaps by having signs at the concession stand saying, “As of nine, we’re not selling.” Because I went up to get my five friends drinks at nine only to find out that the entire place had been shut down. Everything. Every stand, every concession bar. And I wasn’t the only one. There were hundreds of us walking around, going, “What the fuck? You can’t buy a fucking drink here?!” This isn’t fucking Buttfuck, America, some little fucking hick town where yahoos are drinking out in the parking lot until they puke blood! We’re not gonna RIOT, we’re not gonna go fucking crazy—this is Montreal, man, we can do whatever the fuck we want. I dropped so much fucking money on those tickets! Anyway, if you’re going to Pearl Jam anywhere else, I recommend you sneak some booze in, because they’re gonna shut you down at nine and Eddie Vedder’s still gonna drink on stage for the rest of the night to rub it in our faces that he can be a drunken asshole but we can’t. [BLEEP!]

F I’m calling to rant about the Green Day/Jimmy Eat World/Anti-Flag show—I went mostly to see Anti-Flag. First of all, you couldn’t hear them for shit, yet Green Day and Jimmy Eat World were blasting. They played a max of 30 minutes which is, I guess, understandable for an opening-opening act, but you couldn’t even find a T-shirt or anything. They had no MERCH—nothing was sold for Anti-Flag. All that being said, though I don’t like Green Day that much, they put on a good show. [BLEEP!]

M This is to, well, pretty much every black rapper in Montreal. If you want to be gangsta, stop insulting punk! Fuck, we’re on your side. We’re not just fucking skinheads! [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I just thought it was weird that there’s so many Pop Montreal bands that seem to have done soundtrack songs for The O.C. I just noticed that. [BLEEP!]

M Holy shit, these instant PREFAB ROCK GUYS are annoying with their fucking sleeve tattoos and their greasy bangs stuck to their heads and their little wristbands and their chain wallets. Like, where did these guys come from and when—when, I pray—are they going back? [BLEEP!]

F Seriously, what is up with bike theft in this city? Who are these assholes who keep stealing all my bikes and my friends’ bikes? And would they just please stop! It doesn’t matter how much I spend on bike locks and how little I spend on bikes, it doesn’t matter where I leave my bike, they just keep getting stolen. And could people who make bike locks please come up with something that these assholes can’t cut through? How hard can that be? Fuck. I want my bike back. [BLEEP!]

M I’ve just had to buy my third bike of the summer and I need it to get to work. I’m wondering: are there any REFORMED BIKE THIEVES out there who have any advice to offer that may discourage my present bike from being stolen? Thanks. [BLEEP!]

F Is it absolutely fucking necessary for people to talk on their cell phones while bicycling?! [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing worse in the dating world than an ARROGANT NERD. They are like walking paradoxes so beware. [BLEEP!]

M My brothers and sisters, here’s my rant. Who is the douche bag pasting up those goddamn “OBEY” posters in our fair city? Ten years after the fact, 10 years after it was any kind of interesting thing? Some little sponge-head is getting stickers and posters and putting them up—you’re risking your ass for somebody else’s goddamn corporate vision. It’s long over. Put up your own shit, man. Not some goddamn guy—who knows how much cash he’s raking in because little patsies all over North America are putting up his shit. Put up your own shit. That’s my rant. Let’s keep our Montreal an “OBEY” free zone. [BLEEP!]

F Have you ever been beaten or discriminated against specifically because you were straight? Getting beaten up for being an asshole doesn’t count. And, as far as Down Syndrome people, they fight prejudice with the Special Olympics—all people who are oppressed fight it in their own way. Civil rights marchers, BRA-BURNINGS, going to the media. So if you are the one person who’s been oppressed or discriminated against for being white, heterosexual, able-bodied, etc, be my guest, have a rant and a parade. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I have no problem with the Gay Pride parade but what’s up with Gay Olympics? Don’t these people want equal rights? Why should they have their own Olympics? And why the hell should it be in Montreal? [BLEEP!]

F Why are Montrealers so MEAN to McGill students from out of town? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum