F Diamond Dean, what rock were you living under when the Arcade Fire sold out three consecutive hometown shows here last April? [BLEEP!]

F Diamond Dean, is there even a Psychotic 4 album to buy? Shut up. [BLEEP!]

M I heard that the Arcade Fire are gonna perform at Star Académie! [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is Jeanme from the Trigger Effect calling. In response to Diamond Dean's question, I have no idea who the hell would buy the Arcade Fire's album. I've listened to them once and I was extremely disgusted and disappointed because I was expecting something really good since the HYPE is so big. Meanwhile, I have a question: How the hell can people listen to the Mars Volta? How can you seriously have the attention span to listen to that crap? Anybody can take a bunch of weird-sounding noises and call it music - especially when it's over five minutes long. I am extremely confused, but I've got plans to kill myself, so I've gotta go. [BLEEP!]

M To the woman driver who complained about the jaywalking. I don't know where you're from, but you're obviously not from Montreal, because Montreal's the jaywalking capital of Canada! I don't understand all these FOREIGNERS who come to Montreal and bitch about how it's not like where they're from. They're obviously not where they're from because it sucks and they come here because it's cool. But then they want to change it to where they're from and it's gonna make it sucky here. Come on, wake up, you people. Stop trying to change everything to where you're from. Jeez. [BLEEP!]

M I don't know who was that guy who said that fucking shit about the stupid SEWAGE WATER from New Orleans killing the fish. Who the fuck cares about the marine life? Seriously, pal, grow the fuck up. [BLEEP!]

F To that asshole who complained that the fundraising event in the morning made too much noise: I guess he doesn't like it when the shoe's on the other foot, eh? Because he's probably the same asshole that comes out of the bar at 3 a.m., screaming at the top of his lungs. I guess he doesn't have any consideration for people who are sleeping then, but God forbid we should wake him up at 10 a.m. when it's for a fund-raiser. You moron. [BLEEP!]

M Oh, I've got a rant. I've got a rant, all right. It's about this Mr. Heterosexual Pride basher. Well, fuck you, man. I've been beat up 1,000 times. I've been dehumanized. I've been laughed at all my life. And I'm a HETERO. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is in response to the girl calling last week talking about the Gay Pride parade and how it's about going on in spite of injustices and so on and so on. Well, in response to that, I have to say if that's what you think the gay pride parade is about, then what about all the DOWN SYNDROME PEOPLE who work every day for half of what normal people would make, making license plates and shitty little jobs like that? And why don't we have a parade for all the school kids who get picked on every day of their lives because they're not like all the other kids, because they have some sort of congenital birth defect. Or what about the street kids who don't fit into society and who are left behind by society? What about the physically disabled people who can't even use our metro system in Montreal because they can't accommodate them? What about all those poor people? If your "woe is me" Pride parade is anything like what you're saying, it's not a Gay Pride parade, it's a "poor me, oh poor me" parade. Why don't we have a "Poor Me" parade? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is to the chick replying to the whole heterosexual parade guy. Dude, you don't even know how many nerds and kids who love LORD OF THE RINGS were dehumanized and treated unfairly and like shit. How about those dudes at Columbine? I heard they were treated like shit, you know? Maybe they should all get a parade too. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Allan, here's the plan. Grab a bedsheet - a white one - a projector and some slides of the family road trip to Indianapolis. Get a 40 and/or some Canadian Club and a bag of Sour Patch Kids. Fuck the drive-ins! Another fantastic alternative is roller disco. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is for the sorry-ass trick who went to Kamasutra last week and got some college girl to go into the booth with him. For a moment he got to feel her up and feel alive. I wanna know if the bouncer who stopped them was the guy who has "Loyal to the Game" tattooed on his motherfucking neck. And if so then I think we should gang up together and go beat his COCK-BLOCKING ass and get the college girl and rent out the booth for a whole fucking night! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum