by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

There will certainly be bands at the Fear & Loathing in Montreal IV soirée at Foufounes this weekend. Local loudmeisters Fayne, the Real Deal, Compton and Psychotic 4 will be on hand, as will organizer Panic’s own band Trigger Effect the Turbo Machine (“The best band on the face of this wretched planet” claims Panic, “since I happen to be the lead singer”) and the entirely appropriate Starbuck et les Impuissants. From the latter, Panic says, “Expect lots of blood, grotesque costumes, darts and staples, giant blow-up rubber cocks, weighted meathooks in scrotums and hopefully some obese sodomy.”

The rawest, raunchiest stuff, however, happens between the bands’ sets—zombie gogo dancers, ultraviolent wrestling, faces crammed full of chickens’ feet and giblets and more. The Mirror wanted more info on the matter, and got what it deserved.

Mirror: What kind of street performers will be there?

Panic: As of right now, I have a clown and a juggler. I made sure to get a clown because I know how many people have a pretty serious fear of clowns, and I’m hoping for some hysteria. I talked with that guy who plays flutes with his nose, but he’s kinda gross and I don’t like to be near him.

M: As for the Homo Makeout Contest, it shouldn’t be too difficult to get girls to make out on stage, but straight guys…

P: Well, see, that’s what I thought. Last year, however, the guys went at it more than the ladies! These were two complete strangers and they were lip-locked with hands down pants, tugging each other’s trouser snakes, the whole bit. I got a bunch of sweet prizes from our sponsors, so that’s some good motivation, I suppose.

M: The Totally Fucking Gross Eating Contest sounds pretty gross, except for the vegan thing—veggie Crisco, fresh-cut lawn grass and marijuana-smoked tofu. That actually sounds kind of tasty.

P: You have to be kidding me. Just because you said that, I’m going to kick it up a notch and soak it soggy in ripe bong water.

M: What’s up with the piñata?

P: It’s a huge skull full of nasty things like rats and guts and caffeine and lifeless craniums and free stuff from the sponsors. After investing much thought, I decided that a room full of alcohol, rowdy humans and a big stick is probably a bad idea, so I’m just gonna drop it on the audience and let them tear it to pieces like wild animals.

M: As for the Excruciating Pain Contest, what’s the deal with the Lovers’ Physical Abuse Challenge?

P: Two couples will compete against each other, and the contestants will have to inflict physical abuse upon their lovers. First couple to draw blood wins. I figure this will end up with a couple of dudes getting their faces smashed in by their girlfriends, which I think will be hilarious. I hope some kind of rights group doesn’t get mad over this. Domestic violence is no laughing matter—unless there’s a prize involved. SuicideGirls.com actually pulled their sponsorship at the last minute because they apparently can’t be associated with a pain contest. Kind of strange considering the name is Suicide Girls, but that’s okay. They can kill themselves.

At Foufounes Électriques on Sunday, Sept. 4, 8 p.m., $10

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