by MARK SLUTSKY

A grown man, dressed as an infant, urged to suckle at a giantess's breasts. A woman with a penis for a nose, who ejaculates violently when she sneezes. Another man, pants down, eating French fries out of a toilet, while his testicles are viciously mauled by a cat. Yet another woman, a hole cut out of her throat, drinking wine and spraying it all over her dining companion. The terms "Portuguese breakfast" and "chili rainbow," both referring to sexual acts.

These are but a handful of the obscenities and degradations on display in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, hands-down the stupidest, most disgusting movie of the summer. But despite all this, or perhaps because of it, second to Wedding Crashers, it's probably one of the funniest films this season. Who knew?

A sequel to 1999's Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, which also starred Rob Schneider, Deuce two is... well, it's an indefensible, terrible movie. But I was laughing. I laughed at this movie! Not all the way through, to be sure - there are plenty of bad, bad jokes, not to mention the worst stereotypes. It's not even clever in a Farrelly brothers (Dumb and Dumber) way. And yet, when the penis-nose woman falls into the woman with the hole in her throat and (kids, skip to the next paragraph) wound-fucks her, I mean, I couldn't help but laugh.

The premise of the movie is needlessly complicated. Basically, Deuce ships off to Europe after accidentally causing dolphins to attack a group of blind elderly people (don't ask), where he encounters his friend, T.J. (Eddie Griffin). A pimp, T.J. is mistaken for a notorious serial killer preying on "man-whores." It's up to Deuce to go undercover and save the man-whores of Europe, by servicing their clients. Along the way, he falls in love with a Dutch girl (Hanna Verboom) with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Would I recommend this movie to anyone? No! Never! It's terrible! And yet, I'd be remiss (not to mention dishonest) if I didn't admit to at least somewhat enjoying it. At least 25 per cent of the gags were funny enough to get me to laugh out loud, which counts for something. God save us all.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo opens Friday, Aug. 12

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