Dear Tighter,
OH. MY. GOD. Let's start off by not dating men who make racist and misogynistic remarks all rolled into one, shall we? You are a sexual being with intricacies and feelings. It's one thing to appreciate and be excited by the cultural and physical differences a lover offers, it's another thing to play on them in a consensual setting, and it's another thing entirely to expect a person to pander to false racial stereotypes that mess with their self-image. Do not let this guy deprive you of the pleasure of getting "caught up in the act." Just so you know, you will find plenty of other lovers who appreciate a woman lost in the moment, and he will find his hand offers as many degrees of constriction as he requires.
Dear Mir-Oh!,
I went to my friend Michael McMaster, a body painter and special-effects designer in Toronto. Michael warns to stay away from anything you'd buy for painting professional canvases. "Some of the ingredients in professional paints are very toxic, like cadmium, and they are difficult to wash off, for obvious reasons."
He makes a few recommendations, Crayola paint for kids being one. "They've got vibrant colours, and they're completely non-toxic, the idea being that some kid is going to drink them to see if they can pee a rainbow. If they want something cheap and safe, they can try looking in a school supply store for those huge bottles of tempera paint they make for pre-schools. The colours aren't as bright, but they are safe as well."
Some caveats: Eye protection, "since even non-toxic paints shouldn't go in your eyes, especially red paints [make-up with red pigment is also not good around the eyes]. They could either wear swimmer's goggles or such, or, if they want to be romantic and frilly looking, tight-woven lace or netting worn like a blindfold is kind of see-through and should protect against spatters. Paint in the eye is no fun."
Though I usually warn women to stay away from commercial douches, we both think a mild vinegar douche afterwards may not be such a bad idea. "There's a small chance that paint left up there might throw off the flora and fauna a bit, though anything left behind will get flushed out naturally, making some interesting designs in the panties."
Michael suggests doing a patch test before to make sure the product doesn't irritate the mucous membranes. "A tiny dab between the labia minora and majora, and the base of the glans should tell you in a few minutes if either of them has a sensitivity." He also offers an edible alternative, though it may peel and get mouldy if you don't shellac it, since basically you're making pie filling without any sugar or fruit.
"It's possible to make a thin cornstarch gel with a touch of milk or soy milk for opacity, then use cake icing colour gel to get it the right colour. Cooks in a few minutes, and cornstarch is used by the medical industry because almost no one is allergic to it." The colour gels can be ordered here: www.kerekesequip.com/detail.asp?id=4416. This seems like the safest alternative to me.
