Video game review by ERIK LEIJON

Playing Conker: Live & Reloaded (Xbox, Microsoft/ Rare) reminds me of when I’ve run into old acquaintances from high school. They may have been funny back then, and they may have personified “cool,” but four years later they’re still toiling away on an unfulfilling geography DEC at some educationally devoid CEGEP, on academic probation, while working weekends at New York Fries. Point being: their time has passed them by. Similarly, while the original Nintendo 64 version of Conker was a hit, and while Conker’s solo missions will whisk you back to the days of 70 cent gasoline and the “Wassup?” guys, you’ll also be disappointed by how it has aged.

First off, it must be noted Banjo-Kazooie (Nintendo) was the superior Rare-developed platformer of the N64 generation. Conker’s Bad Fur Day, released in 2001, represented an unexpected shift in terms of typical subject matter, but as a game it was merely a simplified version of Banjo. Conker: Live & Reloaded is the same game with updated graphics and some minor story alterations (where the characters acknowledge they’re in a remake), but this time benefits from being one of the few platformers on the Xbox.

Why Rare chose to re-release this title as opposed to a Perfect Dark (Nintendo) or Blast Corps (Nintendo) probably rests in its juvenile humour, which fit perfectly with the gross-out teen comedies of the early 21st century. Today, I realize Rare’s idea of character design entails putting googly eyes on animals and inanimate objects. To be fair, I still chuckled at the sight of the Great Mighty Poo.

Whereas Banjo-Kazooie was a huge, almost endless world filled with treasures to locate, Conker is the exact opposite. The level design is constrictive and too linear, and backtracking becomes so frequent that the jokes get lost in pointless repetition. Strangely enough, while the graphics were upgraded and the fantastic sound remained intact, the cameras have become more noncompliant. In attempting to complete the cog-finding mission, there were nearly a dozen “accidents” where I would fall to my death because of a jittery camera. The abundance of one-hit kills due to Conker’s inability to take a fall, and some loose collision detection, has a tendency to hinder the game’s pacing.

I cannot recommend paying $70 for a game from 2001, but much like my high school peer’s new rat-like goatee, Conker has seen some growth. The game’s saving grace is its wild and incomprehensible, albeit addictive, multiplayer on-line mode. Against 15 other Xbox live players (or system link), Conker the mediocre platformer becomes Conker the insane squad-based third-person shooter. Even without knowing precisely what the missions required, the online fights were hectic and over the top without a hint of slowdown. There are plenty of bloodthirsty and fuzzy creatures to choose from—snipers, tough guys, sword-wielders, even chemical experts—and while Rare may have wanted to implement some strategic elements to their deathmatches with the different classes, the multiplayer succeeds when fights descend into pure chaos. Conker’s multiplayer doesn’t even allow for a moment to breathe, which is why it may have some longevity on the online scene.

After four years, it appears that Conker didn’t just need to be reloaded, it needed a new gun altogether. While I don’t necessarily think I’ve matured, running around a mountain made of feces just isn’t as entertaining as it used to be.

Monkey Business

The console version of the hit PC first-person shooter Far Cry, which is being partly developed at Ubisoft Montreal, will now be an Xbox exclusive. It comes out in September.

Now playing: In the Groove (PS2), Phantom Dust (Xbox) Wishlist: Meteos (DS)