Dear Sasha: I'm 50 and my female partner is 43. We are open-minded and have a trusting sexual relationship. She has expressed interest in trying K9 sex. We've done research on the subject and we feel we know enough to go ahead with it. However, we seem to have difficulty meeting with someone to accommodate us with a dog, and when we do, they want to participate with her sexually. We don't want that for now. She would like to experience her first time one-on-one with the dog. We have tried Beastdate.com, but without much luck. Can you suggest another, or something that would help us achieve our fantasy? » Nick and Kathy

Dear Nick and Kathy,
I'm pretty much an everyone-to-his-own-fancy kind of gal, but there is something about dog fucking that just sends my mind reeling in 1,000 directions, and, for the record, I find images of bestiality disconcertingly arousing. (And it's illegal, by the way.)

I have some grasp on the cross-species appeal, having had major fantasy flings with Wolverine and Darth Maul, and yes, I've fucked some people with lamentable manners, but what kind of person is able to get past a sex partner whose habits include eating cat shit, used tampons and dirty diapers? Who consents by mere virtue of biology and/or an available hole? (Actually never mind that, an ex just sprung to mind). Whose main appeal in many cases is unconditional, nonjudgemental love? In other words, a partner who can't say no?

Under the crashingly clever moniker Mrs. Barker, I joined Beastforum.com, the site "for the positive depiction of sex with animals." Really, I thought, who knows enough about sexing dogs to comfortably go ahead with it? Lots of people, it turns out. Lots and lots and lots of people who offer tips on everything from the best lube to scheduling sessions when you know you won't be disturbed for a couple of hours, to putting sweat socks on forepaws to avoid scratches. For your own purposes, I'm suggesting you look at the article on this page: www.beastforum.com/showtopic-51055.html, which offers advice for beginners. And check out this thread to see my exchange with some of them: www.beastforum.com/index.php?showtopic=63625&st=0&. Yikes!

Obviously, identifying oneself as a sex columnist with misgivings is a bad idea, but I'm all for full disclosure when asking people to reveal. I fully expected the suspicious and indignant replies I received (this seems de rigueur on taboo fetish message boards - sexual renegades can be pretty touchy), but I think you'll find the site helpful in your quest. The message boards point to generally respectful, moderately articulate people, if not a bit exuberant with the latest in smiley-face technology, and a tad liberal in referring to one another as ladies and gentlemen. Personally, I think once you've started having sex with relatives, rock stars or animals, those titles seem ironic at best.

Dear Sasha: I recently read a response in a sexuality column that irked me. More particularly, it was someone interviewed who bugged me, rather than the general response of the columnist. It had to do with a club in New York that caters to men with foot fetishes. The man running the club seemed quite arrogant about the fact that none of the women he hired were "prostitutes," though they do get paid. Pardon me, but if you're getting paid to satisfy a sexual fetish, what does that make you? The attorney general? » Andrea K.

Dear Andrea,
I understand the appeal of amateurs as well as the legal loopholes they provide, but I draw the line when their glorification slanders the professional. Regardless of her extraneous status, when a woman is paid for sexual services, she is indeed doing sex work. In this case, the implication is obviously the old Madonna/Whore complex at play as well - just average girls letting you nibble their tootsies for a bit of extra pocket money, not greedy hookers with an agenda. Additionally, men who make money directly off women who are making money off sex are often considered pimps, not club hosts, just in case he was at a nominal loss for his own status.

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