by JOHNSON CUMMINS

…It’s the humanity. My God, it’s hot! I’m sweating harder than Barry White on the Fourth of July, just tapping away at the keyboard while my oscillating fan just keeps nodding from side to side as if to say, “No, no cool air for you.” Worse, I have just finished committing the ultimate Irishman’s sin—sitting on my apartment stoop clad only in my boxers, in an attempt to catch a breeze while passersby grab their children and hightail it to the opposite side of the street. Throw my Irish tan, healthy beer girth and pipecleaner arms and legs in the mix and you’ve got yourself a sight that is guaranteed to lower property taxes. I was just sitting there chugging RC Cola right out of the two-litre bottle when it hit me. “Wow, I finally turned into one of those pale guys who sit on stoops half-naked and drink straight out of two-litre bottles.” I better get an air conditioner soon before I hit the next level and turn into one of those guys in Speedos, flip-flops and American-flag bandanas who parade around street sales and tam-tam jams. If any of you would like to contribute an air conditioner to the “Keeping Irish Men Clothed” drive, please get hold of me at the e-mail address below.

For those of us without air conditioners, there are a ton of shows to provide salvation from our humid homes this week. The Fringe Pop winds up in the park at Rachel and St-Laurent with Moussette, the Hot Springs and the Lovely Feathers tonight, Dandi Wind, the Unireverse and Masters of the Universe on Friday night and a scorcher of a show on Saturday night with Wolf Parade, Quebec Connection and K’naan. Better get there early if you’re hoping to see this one. All shows start at 6 p.m. and are free.

Tonight is the all-ages benefit for Head and Hands in NDG at the Underground (3850 Royal, in the basement of Wesley United Church), with Malajube and the one-act play One Hundred Sided Die. More all-ages shows happening there all summer long, so keep your eyes peeled here.

Heating up Friday night is BBQ, CPC Gangbangs and the First Times playing the last rock ’n’ roll show ever at the Electric Tractor. Easily Quebec’s heaviest band (think early Neurosis), the Fallout Project launches a CD with Cobra Noir (aka Black Cobra), who also launch a CD, with Rammer and the Expectorated Sequence at le Local. Action Over Drive and Medusa Head Trip bubble the wizard bong at l’Hémisphère Gauche on Sunday, while Dead Messenger and Mad Parish bludgeon the Jupiter Room. If you missed Peter Brötzmann at this year’s Victoriaville fest, you can catch him with Nasheet Waits on Tuesday, and with Sam Shalabi on Wednesday. Both shows are at la Sala Rossa.

Toc Toc is the place for the CBGBs tribute/benefit with Bloodshot Bill, Duchess Says, Echo Kitty, Lo and the Magnetics, Poxy, the Sunday Sinners, the World Provider and DJ Amyl Nitrate on Wednesday night. Dressing like Richard Hell or Tom Verlaine is optional.

I AM THE LASER VIKING! jonathan.cummins@gmail.com

>> Music Listings