M Yes, they fucked up everything else in this province and they’re in the process of fucking up this country—who cares?—but now the SEPARATISTS are in the process of fuckin’ fucking up Couleur Jazz, 91.9 FM, the best channel in Montreal, with their fucking culture and their French-ness. Okay, so, Couleur Jazz—it’s about music, okay? Keep the separatists out of Couleur Jazz because they’re going to ruin the music that’s being played. They’re in the process. It’s getting worse every week, okay? [BLEEP!]

F I don’t understand why Cowboy Junkies and Blue Rodeo are listed as hailing from Montreal when they’re really Toronto bands. Yeah, I know, half of Cowboy Junkies grew up in T.M.R. but that’s like saying that just because one person from April Wine went to James Lyng that they’re a Montreal band—when really Myles Goodwyn is from Nova Scotia. Anyway, the big question is, what happened to the REAL Montreal music legends—Me, Mom and Morgentaler, BOOTSAUCE, Andy Kay, Luba and Gino Vannelli? [BLEEP!]

M If one more person comes up to me and tells me what the fucking Spin magazine article said about our city being the next fucking hot spot like Seattle, I think I’m gonna tie ’em up and stick ’em in a fucking TRUNK—bunch of ass-lickin’, waiting for a fucking reason, following fucking the cock buttfucks. Make something happen and stop waiting for someone to guide you somewhere, you fucking clowns. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the guy who said that if we want to hear yodelling, we can go to the Netherlands. Buddy, yodelling is an activity undertaken by MOUNTAINEERS. Due to the system of echoes between mountains, mountaineers were able to communicate with each another over long distances. The Netherlands actually lies mostly below sea level—there’s no fucking yodelling there! Also, to the chick who was complaining about not being let into bars by the superficial bouncers. Well, since your features probably do bear some certain canine characteristics, you should expect, therefore, in such shallow establishments, that this is what would happen to you. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, does anybody know what happened with the street art kid who had the art on St-Laurent and on Prince Arthur and Pine with the owls? They were fabulous and then the kid got caught and what happened with that story? I also just noticed the fabulous work that’s behind Moishes. It’s a really cool combination of street art and THE HOLOCAUST and it’s really cool. Congratulations to whoever’s art that is. [BLEEP!]

F This is for the guy who was ranting about LESBIANS hanging out in the Black Eagle. You sound like a real nasty misogynist piece of shit, using words like “stupid bitch” and ranting about tits. I think it’s pathetic that you can’t stand even seeing women in the same bar. Why is it that gay men—some gay men—like other men at the expense of liking women? They hate women. It just makes me sick, you know? There aren’t any bars for lesbians anywhere—Magnolia is gone, Sisters is gone, where are they supposed to fucking go? They get turned out of almost every bar in the Village. So actually, it’s the fucking fags who are spoiled. They’ve got everything. They have all the bars. And so you can just go turn your fucking ass right up inside your ass! [BLEEP!]

F Hey, just a while ago I was at l’Aigle Noir at the express invitation of Mr. Leather Montreal and there were quite a number of girls there and there were quite a number of leather guys who were quite nice with us. So, you know, maybe you’re just a sexist asshole. [BLEEP!]

F To the guy complaining about dykes in the Village going into men’s bars. I agree, first of all, with men-only bars and women-only bars, but lesbians don’t have a large choice of places to go. And most women’s bars are full of fags, which really doesn’t bother me. But when I have a fag coming up to me in the Village telling me that lesbians aren’t welcome, I say “Fuck you”—you’re segregating our already segregated community and it shouldn’t be about that. [BLEEP!]

F I was just wondering, what are the rules that apply to straight women who want to hang out in the Village? Is it okay if I’m with my gay friends? Is it okay if I show up with straight female friends or even with my boyfriend? I need a little clarification. [BLEEP!]

F To the man—or faggot, I should say—complaining about all the women that are in his little gay bar. Bitch, you don’t understand. All I gotta say to you is, if this dyke runs into you, she’s gonna show you some REAL TITS, bitch. Oh yeah, and here’s another response to your comments: [imitates crying baby] Waah, waah, waah. Waah, waah, waah! Bitch! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum