by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Valérie Toussaint

Age: 21

Occupation: Miss Plump Universnet

Bio: This heapin’ helpin’ of a delightfully sexy St-Léonard resident had been working as an oversize fashion model before tragically losing 20 pounds and finding herself unceremoniously fired from her job for being “too skinny.” Yet instead of recovering from this cruel turn of events by crying in to her super-sized bag of Yum Yum potato chips, Valerie, depressed, morose and angry, decided to show ’em all by entering herself in the Miss Plump Universnet beauty pageant—a worldwide Internet affair devoted to admirers of Oprah-sized broads. Crowned Miss Plump Universnet 2005 only last month, Valerie says she never realized just how many men appreciated full-figured gals before. “My e-mail is swamped [with fan mail] now. You don’t have to have the so-called ‘perfect’ body to be voluptuous and sexy. I have nothing to apologize for. There’s just more of me to enjoy.” She currently supports herself by selling cosmetics at the Bay.

Her measurements: Valerie stands at 5’5”, currently weighs 180 pounds and proudly sports “all natural” breasts.

Does one need to demonstrate a hefty degree of talent in order to compete in the Miss Plump Universnet pageant? None other than the ability to look hot in a photograph and to answer pleasantly to the legions of fan e-mail she receives as a result of said photo. “Many girls sent in nude, explicit photos of themselves, but I didn’t feel that was necessary. My photo was really well done, and that’s why I think I won. I didn’t want to expose my body just for a contest.”

Are her co-workers at the Bay proud, or perhaps even slightly intimidated, to be working alongside someone of Miss Plump 2005’s status? Not so much, probably because Valerie has yet to inform them that she is, indeed, Miss Plump Universnet 2005. “There wasn’t a lot of media attention paid to the event, which was a little upsetting. The competition didn’t get nearly the amount of attention it deserves, so I thought they probably wouldn’t have cared. But lots of people are very, very proud of me: my parents, my family, close friends—it’s very satisfying.”

Does she usually wear her Miss Plump crown when she’s, say, shopping for groceries or riding the metro? Never.

Current number of activities and promotional appearances scheduled for Miss Plump Universnet 2005: Zero. “There just wasn’t as much media attention paid to the event as it deserved. And the few journalists who did cover it, they didn’t take it seriously.”

Was participating in this event sort of her way of saying “Fuck you, this is my body and it’s beautiful, all 200 pounds of it!” “Absolutely.”

Childhood ambition: To become a vedette.

Current ambition: To find a good job in television or fashion and have people judge her for her personality and perseverance.

Musical preferences: Madonna.

Someone she greatly admires: Mitsou.

Last book read: The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King

Words of wisdom: “Accept yourself for who you are.”

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca