When Southern Baptists gather in Tennessee next month, it won't all be praying, networking and fornicating. Also on the agenda is the presentation of a resolution calling on Southern Baptists everywhere to stand guard against acceptance of homosexuals in public schools.

The resolution, penned by preacher Dr. Voddie Baucham and author Bruce N. Shortt, calls on churches to investigate schools in their district for any "homosexual club or curriculum that attempts to influence children to accept homosexual behaviour as a legitimate lifestyle." In the event such atrocities are discovered, parents are encouraged to remove their children from the offending institution.

According to the resolution, homosexuality "reduces life expectancy more than smoking," and any school that tries to increase tolerance of homosexuals "is a clear and present danger" to students. The resolution further suggests that homosexual activists are "slandering minorities" by tying gay rights to the civil rights movement. Of course, it's not all negative: the resolution also tells Southern Baptists to remember homosexuals in their prayers.

» Scott Saxon