Dear Sasha: I've always known I was a dyke. But since I hit my mid-20s, I've gotten awfully curious about what it would be like to have sex with a man. I've never had PIV [penis in vagina] intercourse and I think it's something I'd like to try once before I die. I even have a guy in mind, who I'm sure would be up for a one-nighter.

But here's the question: is it unethical not to tell him that I am, in the het sense, a virgin? I would rather he not know his dick is going to be the first. I'm afraid it will make the whole encounter a lot more awkward and pressure-filled and a lot less fun. I've had plenty of other sexual experiences in my life, I sure don't feel like a virgin, and my hymen's long gone. So what do you think: do I have to tell him? And while you're at it, any other words of wisdom? » Het Curious

Dear Het Curious,
Misrepresenting about orgasm, gender, intentions, orientation, number of partners and sexual health for the sake of facilitating an encounter are not advised. On the other hand, you should be permitted a certain amount of privacy within the context of a sexual exchange, especially one that you intend to be casual, and I think I can see where you're going with this. You're no virgin, but you're a penis rookie and a lesbian to boot, and perhaps you've heard that the lads tend to get jittery and/or excessively ambitious when faced with this prospect. You're looking to have an arousing rendezvous without the ego issues. You want to try out for the other team without having it turn into the Sappho Challenge. (By the way, if anybody keeps track of trends in my column, this dyke boinking boys thing has now officially usurped anal sex).

All the above are good points in the argument for discretion, but you seem to be forgetting one really important detail: you. Sure, you may be smooth as single malt with the dames, but you're assuming that you'll eliminate pressure or awkwardness simply by not broadcasting your orientation. What if you need to make it clear during the festivities that this just isn't for you? Because as you know, fantasies are monumentally different than reality - I can practically guarantee that you will feel out of sorts the first time you feel a hairy testicle on your thigh or a stubbly chin on your cheek. You're tampering with the option of checking in with someone about boundaries and comfort levels when you make it seem like you know what yours are.

Would I be upset if someone had their first, ahem, encunter with me and deliberately kept that fact a secret? No, but that's assuming they don't burst into tears or have a shitfit. Just be prepared for some unexpected responses. Other words of wisdom? I shouldn't have to say it, but use a condom.

Masturbation time

Yes friends and readers, it's that time again, International Masturbation Month! I want you all to pay special attention this time around because my pal, the heavenly Montreal-based web cam girl Seska Lee, in conjunction with, dare I say it, Come As You Are, will be holding a live masturbate-a-thon that will be Web cast at orgyforworldpeace.com on May 14. Seska has rounded up a gang of novice exhibitionists for a two-hour session of jerking off, interviews, solos and, if we're lucky, a group tribute as a grand finale.

Here's how you can get in on the action, according to a press release from Come As You Are: "A single donation gets you access to the entire evening of performances. Because Masturbation Month is all about democracy we have kept the minimum donation to a low $9.95. You are, of course, invited to donate more, to the very worthy National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. All we ask is that you remember that everyone involved is volunteering their time, so please, give with your heart (well, give with your wallet, but feel with your heart, by all means)."

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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