by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Surely Mongog

Age: 40

Occupation: "Full-time artist"/part-time dog trainer

Bio: Hailing from sunny Key West, Florida, this enigmatic Plateau resident arrived here only two years ago after surrendering his U.S. passport in an act of defiance over his government's unilateral decision to beat up on some place called Iraq. The child of animal trainers, Surely, when not involved in his über-hip street marketing company, howtorockstar.com, spends his days training "entertainment industry dogs" - meaning sidekicks for physically handicapped showbusinesspeople - with the help of his canine partner, Dr. Spok. "I speak dog, you know."

How Surely learned to speak dog: From Dr. Spok. "Even though I'd been training dogs all my life it was only upon meeting Dr. Spok that I learned to speak dog. Before that I thought of dogs as chattel. But when I met Dr. Spok four years ago, and he and I spotted each other from across the room, dude, it was a love-at-first-sight experience. And he knew it too. It was crazy - I'd had similar experiences before, but never with a dog. But I learn from dogs all the time and share [their insight] with humans."

The first thing Dr. Spok taught him: "That I hadn't really been communicating with animals before. And that made me feel really bad until Dr. Spok related this to me: that I was here now, that I should do as well as I can, and to show other people how to [relate with canines]."

Is an "entertainment industry dog" just like any other dog but with an inflated sense of self? Not really. "I'm usually training service dogs for people in the entertainment industry who are in high visibility/high profile settings. Individuals who will be interacting with a lot of other people while their dog is with them."

How long Surely and Dr. Spok will spend training a hound: Between six and 18 months.

Is it better to beat an animal with a club or a whip in order to get it to perform unnatural acts? Neither. Surely works more along Horse Whisperer lines. "I think of all animals as people."

Is it hard for him to part with an animal after spending so much quality time together? "I never part with them, we are always in contact."

What a Surely/Dr. Spok-trained hound will cost you? Between $7,000 and $9,000. "Most service dogs tend to be retrievers but I won't work with them. I usually work with shepherds. Most service dogs are very obedient, they've been trained to obey, but shepherds are incredibly intelligent, they like challenges, they're thinking dogs. [In a pinch] a shepherd will go, "Okay, how do I fix this situation?"

Something he and Dr. Spok will do for your mutt: Give him/her one "ordinary" training session. "Dogs usually walk away totally transformed from the experience." Reach him via puppies2professionals@yahoo.ca.

Childhood ambition: To become an astronaut.

Current ambition: To run the world.

Musical preferences: Buck 65.

Last book read: Distraction by Bruce Sterling

Words of wisdom: "It's all about love."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca