by SARAH ROWLAND and MARK SLUTSKY

The Syrian Bride

In order to get to the mosque on time, Mona and her family must dart through demonstrations, stave off village elders who don't approve of the non-Arab guest list and barter with border patrol pigs. And forget about tossing the bouquet or making a toast to the bride (played by the exotically beautiful Clara Khoury). Her father (Khoury's paps in real life) is too busy marching for independence. But these aren't the only less-than-celebratory moments the Syrian bride-to-be must endure on what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life.

After spending hours in the beauty parlour chair, she has to console her sister, who needs a shoulder to cry on because her own marriage is in shambles. First sobs of the day. Later, her estranged older brother, who shamed the family eight years earlier when he married outside of their religion, shows up. More tears ensue. Finally, her ex-convict father is denied permission to escort Mona to the Israel/Syria border, where she will meet her soon-to-be husband for the first time. Full-on waterworks.

This darling of the 2004 Montreal World Film Fest (it raked in a total of four awards) was co-written by Jewish Israeli director Eran Riklis and Palestinian Israeli Suha Arraf, and it shows. With minimal finger-pointing, The Syrian Bride is a beautifully shot story that makes both sides of the conflict look equally bullheaded. It also demonstrates what a bitch it must be getting married in one of the world's political hotspots. (SR)

Mindhunters

Who Mindhunts the Mindhunters? That's the question posed by this thriller from director Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, Deep Blue Sea), in which a group of talented young aspiring FBI profilers get the tables turned on them. Yes, it's everyone's worst nightmare: the Mindhunter becomes the Mindhuntee! Or the Mindhunted - whichever you prefer.

It seems like I've been seeing trailers for this movie since I was a teenager. Actually, it's been sitting on the shelf for over two years now, and I guess Dimension Films decided to dump it on the market right around the time of the new Star Wars release, so it can safely disappear without a trace.

Sounds good already, doesn't it? Val Kilmer "stars" (he's actually in it for about 30 seconds), as a brilliant-but-unorthodox FBI instructor who sends his class on what's to be their last (if you know what I mean!) assignment: a simulated serial killing in a fake town out on an island somewhere. Unexpectedly, real people start getting killed in increasingly gory ways, and since it's only our brave Mindhunters on the island, it's gotta be one of them! Christian Slater, LL Cool J and Jonny Lee Miller round out the cast of characters, who keep falling into one diabolical trap after another. While the absurdness of some the untimely deaths is mildly amusing, this is strictly straight-to-video fare and nothing else, complete with a totally nonsensical twist ending. (MS)

Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love

Anne Day-Jones is frumpy nurse Patsy, who lusts after her old flame Dr. Dox (Karl Gerhardt). The former high school geek turned standard-issue handsome doctor is now engaged to sexpot nurse Goodie (Samantha Slan) and wants nothing to do with his homely ex.

So Patsy's life consists of soap operas, frozen dinners and lonely lunches in the hospital cafeteria, where she is ridiculed by hot nurses in micro minis. Until that is, she encounters a zombie who pays the old maid a little attention. His insincere flattery leads to a love bite that transforms the mousy woman into a brain-eating vamp. Patsy's new-found sexual appeal attracts the wondering eye of every man in her ward, but suffice to say, it comes at the expense of her oral hygiene and complexion. Meanwhile, Goodie realizes it's going to take a little more than some territorial pissing to keep her man. But what Goodie hasn't clued into yet is that she is quickly becoming a living minority at the doomed infirmary.

Directed by Montreal's own Elza Kephart, this is one of the smartest looking walking dead films made in a long time. The highly stylized grainy black & white 2003 Fantasia hit combined with the off-kilter lip synch lends this otherwise cheeky B-movie horror a German expressionist sophistication that would make Guy Maddin proud. (SR)

Mindhunters, The Syrian Bride and Graveyard Alive: Zombie Nurse in Love open Friday, May 13

>> Movie Listings