by MARK SLUTSKY

The Amityville Horror

This remake of the 1979 "classic," if it is indeed considered such a thing by horror buffs, wasn't worth the effort. At any rate, the original Amityville Horror, starring James Brolin, Margot Kidder and Rod Steiger, spawned so many sequels and obviously made enough dough that producer Michael Bay (also responsible for the 2003 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), figured it'd be worthwhile to revive the franchise.

Canada's own Ryan Reynolds plays George Lutz, a husband to widow Kathy (Melissa George) and surrogate-dad to her kids. Our happy newlyweds are out looking for a house when they find a hell of a deal: a 17th-century mansion for hardly any money at all. After pressing the real estate agent, they learn of some terrible murders that took place in their dream home not so long ago.

Still, a deal's a deal, and they buy the thing. Quickly they discover that it's haunted by a freaky little girl, some ominous voices and disfigured ghosts who like to appear in bathroom mirrors and children's art. George starts to go nuts in a Shining style, Philip Baker Hall shows up as a wussy priest, and there's a lot of running around and screaming.

But is it scary? Not really. There are maybe a couple of good shocks, and a handful of somewhat decent scenes. But Reynolds, I'm sorry to say, is no Jack Nicholson, and we've seen all of this many, many times before. The '70s setting is kind of a nice touch (and the movie sure looks good), but ultimately Amityville is frighteningly unmemorable.

Conspiracy of Silence

Celibacy and the Catholic priesthood is the subject of this earnest drama from first-time director (and screenwriter) John Deery. And what a timely release date, barely a week after the death of a Pope who was so famously inflexible on matters of priestly carnality.

Set largely in Ireland, with a scattering of scenes taking place in the Vatican (featuring a cameo by a very good John Paul II impersonator), Conspiracy of Silence tells two stories, really. A young seminary student (Jonathan Forbes) is expelled for suspected "inappropriate behaviour," and at the same time a small-town journalist (Jason Barry) is investigating the mysterious suicide of a parish priest (Patrick Casey).

As it turns out, the dead priest was HIV positive, a fact the Church was trying to cover up. And our young idealistic seminarian, though innocent of horseplay with another student, is actually still in love with his old girlfriend (Catherine Walker).

At times, Conspiracy of Silence feels like a TV movie - it's very self-serious, a little too didactic, and by the end, the sober drama takes a bit of a thrillerish turn that it doesn't quite have the heart to follow through with. But overall, it's quite absorbing, thanks to very solid performances all around and, of course, the subject's post-Vatican II pertinence.

The Amityville Horror and Conspiracy of Silence
open Friday, April 15

>> Movie Listings