by SARAH ROWLAND

There comes a time in every Bruce Lee wannabe's life when he must admit to himself that his fists hath no fury. For Stephen Chow that moment came almost 25 years ago. After a few short months of kung fu lessons, he realized that not only were his flying scissors kicks laughable, but his praying mantis moves were a joke. In short, his childhood dream of becoming a martial arts master was crushed.

But instead of hanging himself with his white belt, he signed up for acting lessons, where he honed a special brand of chopsocky comedy and deadpan delivery that has proven to be a deadly combination at the Asian box office.

Today, Chow is a self-taught kung fu practitioner and the reigning king of black belt comedy. But that's not enough for China's biggest star. Even though he cracked the Euro market with his brilliant 2001 Shaolin Soccer, Chow only made a small dent in American ticket sales. Now he wants nothing less than global domination at the box office.

"I think it's quite normal actually, nothing special," he says, calling from his Brussels hotel room, exhausted from a non-stop promotional tour. "I'm no different than any other ambitious filmmaker: I want to make something that is accepted by the whole world and I'll go as far as I have to to do that."

Shanghai surprise

He may not have to go any further than Kung Fu Hustle, a deliriously funny, Looney Tunes-inspired live action comedy. Set in the '30s in a highly stylized Shanghai where all the bad guys wear top hats, Chow plays Sing - a small-time thief who is so desperate to become a card-carrying member of the impeccably dressed Axe Gang that he sets out on a petty crime spree to prove his worth to the boss.

After a string of fruitless muggings, Sing and his obese sidekick (Lam Tze Chung) try extorting money from peasants living in a remote ghetto called Pig Sty Alley. Not realizing that three retired masters are living anonymously among the seniors and skids in the overcrowded compound, Sing and his goon set off a series of events that lead to the ultimate CGI enhanced kung fu showdown - spoofing everything from Road Runner to The Matrix.

Chow's inspiration for secret heroes stashed away in rundown neighbourhoods came from the Kowloon projects, where he grew up with this three sisters.

"I remember thinking some of the tenants could have been hidden masters," says Chow, whose Kung Fu Hustle wowed Hong Kong audiences, becoming one of the highest grossing domestic productions of all time. "Then I found out the old man living next to me really was a hidden master.... well, actually, he was just a street performer. But I was a kid at the time."

Playing the part of Pig Sty's haggard slumlord (or slumlady) is Yuen Qiu, a kung fu guru in real life who had a big influence on the likes of Jackie Chan and The Matrix choreographer Sammo Hung. And the kick-ass grandmother isn't the only former master Chow was able to drag out of semi-retirement. He also managed to convince Chiu Chi Ling, a martial arts instructor who trained several Hong Kong stars in the '70s and '80s, to take the role of the hilarious homo master known as Tailor.

"I just convinced them with my sincerity," he says coolly, waiting a couple of beats. "With both knees on the ground, begging them to come back to the film industry."

Buddha-licious

A culmination of everything director-writer Chow has done to date and more, Kung Fu Hustle is likely to become the crossover film he and Columbia Pictures are banking on. Shaolin Soccer fans can look forward to familiar gags like the seemingly homely love interest, the nose-picking drag queen, cartoonishly silly slapstick and of course plenty of spectacular fight sequences - including one where Sing flips so high up into the air he kisses a cloud in the shape of Buddha before delivering the final blow to his opponent, The Beast (Leung Siu Lung). So with a film that masterfully packs in so much, how will he top it?

"That's what I want to know as well," he says in a strong Cantonese accent, using the same dry English wit that has earned him comparisons to Peter Sellers. "If somebody could tell me, or give me an idea for my next project that would be just fine. I've actually been talking with my script writer [Tsang Kan Cheong] about coming up with an idea for a new film. But we don't have one yet. At the moment, I'm too busy with all this promotional stuff. But hopefully when I go back to Hong Kong, I can find the time to work on this."

Whatever plot he and Cheong do concoct, there will no doubt be some sort of martial arts element written in.

"I like kung fu... did I mention that?" he says before breaking out into raucous laughter. "Chinese kung fu will always be my love and if I can make it more popular in other parts of the world through my movies, that would be perfect."

Hero complex

It's not surprising then that when asked if he would rather be a movie star or a kung fu master, he blurted out his answer before I could finish asking the question, "A kung fu master. Because being a true martial artist is my first dream. But since I don't possess such talent in my real life, I will just have to keep making it happen in my movies."

Like most Hong Kong men who suffer from sort of kung fu complex, Chow's obsession can be traced back to the first time he saw Lee's 1971 The Big Boss on the big screen.

"I just wanted to be someone like him," says the 42-year-old filmmaker, speaking in a serious tone. "I remember people would scream, yell and cheer when they were watching his films. I mean they really went crazy and treated him like a real hero. Which is quite different from the way an audience watches my movies. Yeah, there's a lot of laughter in the theatre, but not like that. I'm not a big hero for them. I'm just like a performer to them."

People can expect to see less of Chow the performer in the near future. After Kung Fu Hustle, he plans to put his on-camera persona on hold so that he can spend more time behind the camera.

"I prefer directing because I have more control over making my own ideas happen," he says. "But I'm not going to just quit acting completely and never look back. Let's just say that if I had the opportunity to only focus on one or the other, my life would be a lot easier."

Assuming that Kung Fu Hustle ends up giving Chow the international star power he's been looking for, he plans on treating himself accordingly.

"I will just do something that I really like doing: sleeping... for as long as I can."

Kung Fu Hustle opens Friday, April 22

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