Dear Sasha: My husband and I are both in our 30s. We have a two-year-old boy, and after he was born, I nursed him for 11 months. During that time, I had literally no libido - nada, zip, zilch. This was hard on my husband, obviously - we're both pretty sexual people, and though I helped him get off during the time I was nursing, I just had no interest in sex. I literally did not have an orgasm for one whole year, from the end of my pregnancy to the time my son was weaned.

But the instant my son was weaned, it was like night and day. It was like someone flicked a switch and suddenly I could have orgasms again. My interest in sex was totally back on.

My question is: we're contemplating baby number two, and while I'm committed to breastfeeding, I dread not having orgasms for almost a year. Am I alone in this nursing side effect? Have there been any studies done on this? Is there any hope? Please don't suggest taking romantic bubble baths with my partner or any other bullshit remedies provided by stupid women's magazines.   Yo-Yo Mama

Dear Yo-Yo
Are you kidding me? Like you need a bloody yeast infection on top of everything else.

When you choose to use your body to make another one, you really aren't prepared for the kind of phenomenal shenanigans it can get up to without your consent. I'll never forget my sister calling me when she was pregnant and hissing into the phone, "I feel like there's an alien inside of me. It's disgusting." I must say, I found this a refreshing admission. I imagine a lot of women suffer the indignities of pregnancy and motherhood in silence (mind you, some of the sharing I can do without. I'd be happy to never hear the words "mucus plug" again).

Many encumbrances that our bodies endure, including detrimental ones like viruses, have an unwelcome and deeply altering effect on our already flimsy corporal authority. Here's what's going on with you, in case you didn't know: when you breastfeed, you produce prolactin, a hormone that suppresses estrogen and keeps the milk flowing. With way less estrogen coursing through your body, you're way less horny (you may have also noticed a lack of vaginal lubrication as well). Just nature's way of making sure that ovulation is suppressed so that one baby gets enough to eat before the other one comes along. Will it happen again? Quite likely, yes, and sadly, I'm not surprised your doctor didn't offer you any information about this possibility. We're all a little silly around moms and sex. All of a sudden we all have to pretend that it wasn't fucking that turned you into one in the first place.

You'll definitely want to read Sexy Mamas: A Mother's Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans. It covers the hormone issue in better detail. As always, I'm going to recommend Natalie Angier's book Woman: An Intimate Geography for the nitty gritty on all that pertains to the female body.

I would also suggest signing up to the Hip Mama Web site (www.hipmama.com) and initiating a discussion on the message board. And by the way, I think you're a superstar for getting your husband off while you were feeling totally asexual. The last thing I'd be worried about after I'd pushed something the size of a watermelon out of my business end would be my partner's libido.

Dear Sasha: I'm a gay male in a relationship and am bottom. I was wondering what are some good books for gay male sexuality. Everything I find seems to be for girlfriends wanting to please their boyfriends.   Nelson

Dear Nelson,
There is no end to books that address good sex skills for queer and straight men, and any sex shop that only carries ones like you've mentioned is probably not going to be very discriminating about its other products either. If you're looking for one specific to bottoming, check out The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (yes, they are two women, but it's not gender specific). You can find an array of others in the books sections of the Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com) or Come As You Are (www.comeasyouare.com) Web sites.

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