Tugfest

Come on, you say, it's the goddamned 21st century, certainly it must be socially acceptable for a person to bring themselves to orgasm by their own hand? Well, try taking it out for an innocent tug in the metro sometime and see how ugly things get, especially should you accidentally unload on an unsympathetic gang of teenage hooligans.

Longtime local arty troublemakers Stéphane Crête, François Gourd and Symfolium Productions have decided they will accept no more of this discrimination against confessed masturbators and are taking a stand by hosting the cabaret Hommage à la Masturbation this April Fools Day.

Featuring Nathalie Derome, les filles de Stella Mtl, and a cast of many, the unilingual French cabaret is designed to be a celebration of wanking, with performers and audience alike expected to sign an on-site written declaration stating masturbation is a fun, healthy thing to do and an activity which they undertake with pride. Ah, what's not to love about the French. It gets off April 1 at Le Lion d'Or (1676 Ontario E.) at 8 p.m., $5. » Chris Barry

Playing with water

Apparently Martin Leduc plucked a guitar from a river at the age of 10 and has been fascinated by water's effect on tones ever since. His recent interactive sound installation, Totem Sonique, invites visitors to explore an innovative aural universe by activating metal strips grouped together into four keyboards around a vertical water-filled glass tank. Designed to be touched and played, as well as radiating light and reflections that move with the frequencies, this strange new invention awaits your input at Maison de la Culture Notre-Dame-de-Grace (3755 Botrel).

Leduc created the Totem Sonique so that anyone can play it - no special musical skills or electronic knowledge required. Noteably, none of the sounds this odd acoustic instrument makes are pre-recorded or synth-generated. Inside the tank is an underwater broadcasting and receiving system. If undisturbed, Totem generates compositions from past sounds. When players are present, the new sound matter produced is a mix of their inventiveness and input previously captured. It plays on until May 1, info: 872-2157. » Christine Redfern

Most Machiavellian

Writer Lance Blomgren is in town for two excellent reasons. First, he's part of the latest Orange/Brown collective installation project at Usine C (1345 Lalonde). "I'm collaborating with former Montrealer Joni Murphy on a soundpiece, a soundtrack of sorts, following a detailed protocol established by some of the more Machiavellian characters in Orange/Brown," Blomgren explains. He's also here for the launch of his latest collection, the beautifully designed Corner Pieces. "Probably the ideal reader for this book would be someone who prefers their Yoko Ono to their Linda Montano, their Billy Mavreas to their Adrian Tomine," he quips. The opening party happens Thursday, April 7, from 7–9 p.m. Book launch follows at 10 p.m., (80 St-Viateur W., #B1). Both events are free. » Vincent Tinguely

Interior cool

As a furniture and home decor salesperson as well as production director, designer and fashion stylist, Melanie Garcia is close to the subjects in her photo exhibition Cold Comfort. Images of modern furniture in flawless settings from interior design and architecture magazines set the scene for the mannequins who hang out within, digitally collaged onto the prints. The images reflect the common fashion posturing of nonchallance and disinterest. It's just no fun being a mannequin, but it will be fun to see the prints in all their large-scale glory at Garcia's vernissage on Wednesday, April 6, 6 p.m., at Espace 306 (306 Ste-Catherine W., #306), set to the sounds of Radarsat-1, Quadraceptor and Squid. The show continues through April 23. » Matthew Woodley

Is it Art?

BEER WITH CAFFEINE: Molson has wired its beer for the quick world; it's called Kick, comes in metal bottles, and tastes like Molson beer out of a metal bottle. But man do six of these things get the engine revved, what with this "guarana" stuff in it, which means more caffeine per brew than a can of Coke, which could very well bring on a beer buzz revolution in which blues bands break out jungle beats, people lose all patience for baseball, and you can pick up someone at a bar, take them home, throw down, make breakfast, go back to the bar and repeat three more times before last call, all on a legal drug that's in deps in metal bottles right now, prices vary, burp.

ArtsHole

PUBERTY HUES: While our society whirls in shock over rampant, casual oral sex among teenagers and the "friends with benefits" phenomenon, Larissa Fassler explores budding sexuality and relationships with awkward 14-year-olds posing like what they believe "a couple looks like," in her photo and video exhibition Teen Couples. It's at Articule (4001 Berri, #105) until May 1. • INDIA AID: Michael Archambault's photographs of Pondicherry, India, taken in 2002, before the landscape was severely altered by the tsunami last December, are on display at Thérèse Dion Art Contemporain (372 Ste-Catherine W., #527). Twenty-five per cent of the proceeds from sales of the work go to the MEG foundation, currently sheltering children in that region of the country. Light of India continues until April 12.

ARTISTAT: Number of artworks, from painting to digital imaging, showing at the Saidye Bronfman School of Fine Arts' annual exhibition in the Lianne and Danny Taran Gallery (5170 Côte-Ste-Catherine) from April 3–8: 700+

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