by MATTHEW HAYS, KEVIN LAFOREST and MARK SLUTSKY

Don't Move

Those who frequent the Cinéma du Parc and Ex-Centris tend to lament the dire state of Hollywood studio films. In Europe, it seems that things are so much more creative, intriguing and devoid of that fresh-from-the-factory scent.

But here, in a feature-length nutshell, is the dark side of European cinema. Don't Move opens with a nasty auto accident that sends a young girl to ER. This trauma sets off a series of flashbacks in her father (Sergio Castellitto, who also directs), a surgeon who works at the same hospital. It seems that dear old dad had carried on a tragic relationship with a wayward lass (Penélope Cruz), one that ended with horrid consequences for the latter.

Don't Move moves along mysteriously, hiding behind the notion that actual motivation is just something literal-minded filmmakers get bogged down in. We see Cruz subjected to any and all manner of degradation. There's nothing deep here; it's just softcore sold to us as a Euro-arthouse flick. (And not even one lousy money shot as payoff.) As Trooper would say, this movie is a three dressed up as a nine; ultimately, the film descends into embarrassing and absurd histrionics. The only upside? Don't Move may ferment into a very funny Euro-kitsch in a couple of decades. (MH)

Brodeuses

Claire (Lola Naymark) is a 17-year-old supermarket checkout girl who's trying to keep her unwanted pregnancy a secret. She doesn't plan to keep it anyway, so why bother getting her parents involved? One day she crosses paths with Madame Mélikian (Ariane Ascaride), an Armenian woman who recently lost her son in a motorbike accident. She hires Claire to do some embroidery with her, and a co-dependent relationship slowly builds between them, even though they're both resisting it.

This is a sobering drama, never blatantly reaching for effect, but quietly moving nonetheless. It possesses a certain visual finesse, which is highlighted with the veils and dresses the two women create. As well, the green hues of the rural landscape, the interiors and the costumes play strikingly against Claire's red hair. The gorgeous Naymark not only glows in this role, but she proves that she's a pretty fine little actress, too. Ascaride is also great, managing to be poignant without going into hysterics.

Brodeuses is a lyrical yet realistic ode to motherhood, even though there are no kids acting on screen. We only see glimpses of Claire's unborn child via ultrasound and occasional photos of Mélikian's dead son, but their presence is felt throughout the movie. This is an impressive debut for writer-director Éléonore Faucher. (KL)

Hostage

Bruce Willis is an expert hostage negotiator - well, an ex-expert hostage negotiator - in this routine, somewhat-better-than-average action thriller from director Florent Emilio Siri. After an impressively stylin' opening sequence (all black & white cityscapes with splashes of blood red, very reminiscent of the Sin City trailers now making the rounds), the movie begins a lot like the lame-o Assault on Precinct 13 remake from earlier this year.

The story begins with an intense hostage situation, with Willis as the lead negotiator; something goes very, very wrong. The next thing we know, it's a year later and Willis is pushing papers as the chief of police in a small California municipality. That is, until some deranged hoodlum kids break into the house of a local rich accountant (Kevin Pollak) - an accountant with shady ties to some very bad guys. (We never learn anything more about these dudes other than that they are Very Bad and Powerful and never stand in direct light.)

These creeps, worried about some information they need, kidnap Willis's family and demand he get them what they want, or it's lights-out for the wife and daughter. What follows is 24 meets Panic Room meets Die Hard meets every other thriller you've ever seen. For the most part Hostage isn't bad, just routine, though by the end, the thrills plateau and you just want everyone to chill out and go home. (MS)

Schultze Gets the Blues

A big hit in its native Germany, writer/director Michael Schorr's debut picture is a slow-paced, contemplative comedy in the Jim Jarmusch vein. Schultze (Horst Krause) is a middle-aged man who, along with two of his friends (Harald Warmbrunn and Karl-Fred Müller), has just taken early retirement from his life-long job in a salt mine somewhere in small-town Germany. The three men, now unemployed, find themselves somewhat at a loss. Schultze, in particular, is adrift, until one night he chances upon some Cajun Zydeco music on the radio. An accordionist himself, he finds something compelling about the song and begins to learn the stuff that is so (seemingly, at least) dissimilar from his native polkas.

As it turns out, the 50th anniversary of the local music club is approaching, and Schultze is asked to play - a polka, of course. But when it comes down to it, and for reasons I won't reveal here, he decides to try something new, causing some controversy. Regardless, the club sends him to America on a cultural exchange, where his journey really begins.

Schultze Gets the Blues is bittersweet and more than a little sad. It's also a very ponderous movie, perhaps a bit more than it should be... okay, it's boring. Without much humour to animate it, the movie's static style is hard to watch. For all its good intentions, it just doesn't feel like it has enough life. (MS)

Robots

Poor Blue Sky Studios. You have to pity any studio making computer-animated family films in the age of Pixar. Blue Sky is the company behind Ice Age, which was actually a pretty entertaining and genial cartoon set somewhere around the Jurassic era. Their latest, however, arrives in the shadow of the incredible The Incredibles. While it's not exactly the same kind of movie, it's hard not to compare the two films, and unfortunately, Robots doesn't come out too well in the competition.

Set in a world of, well, robots, the film has a young inventor type named Rodney Copperbottom (voiced by Ewan McGregor) heading to the big city to hook up a job with his hero, scientist Big Weld (Mel Brooks). As to be expected, our country mouse hero is somewhat blown away by the hustle and bustle of the metropolis, and has his plans confounded by the nasty C.E.O. Ratchet (Greg Kinnear). Robots has an admirable-enough "be yourself!" philosophy (what kids' movie doesn't?), and some neat-looking Rube-Goldberg-esque mechanical gewgaws. But the writing just doesn't hold up to the competition's (i.e. Pixar) standard. The jokes are rusty, the plot holes are humongous, and Robin Williams, who plays the wacky sidekick Fender, will just not shut up. (MS)

A Tale of Two Sisters

A spooky, opulent-looking and atmospheric horror film from Korean director Ji-woon Kim, A Tale of Two Sisters could've been really great, if it only were a little scarier, and a little shorter, for that matter.

Soo-mi (Su-jeong Lim) and Soo-yeon (Geun-yeong Mun) are two seemingly haunted- siblings recently released from a mental facility. They return home to the house where their father (Kap-su Kim) lives with his new wife (Jung-ah Yum). The girls' mother is dead, and the circumstances of her death are only alluded to by the denizens of the house, which is an especially spooky place, covered in intricate patterned wallpaper and full of menacing shadow. Things start to happen: something is wrong with the girls, or maybe it's the house, or maybe it's the borderline-hysterical stepmom...

Two Sisters has a couple of really good sequences, but the movie as a whole feels unfocused and way too long. By the end, every scene feels like it should be the last. (MS)

Hostage, A Tale of Two Sisters, Brodeuses, Schultze Gets The Blues, Don't Move and Robots open friday, march 11

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