Welcome to the ninth annual Mirror Alternative Academy Awards. In this parallel universe, Hollywood big shots can't hide behind studio marketing machines, comedians are taken seriously as actors and puppet sex is king. Here's the rundown of how Mirror readers voted...

Movie most overlooked by the academy

The Bush-whacking gonzo journalist with the super-sized figure may not be able to sway Middle America votes, but he's still a heavyweight at our polling stations.

Fahrenheit 9/11 64%
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster 11%
Team America: World Police 11%
Open Water 7%
Dig! 7%

Most overlooked performance

By not contorting his rubber face in various gravity-defying shapes, Carrey proved he can actually act. Too bad we're the only ones who noticed.

Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 43%
Paul Giamatti, Sideways 24%
Javier Bardem, The Sea Inside 15%
Will Ferrell, The Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy 9%
Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite 9%

Best soundtrack

One dearly departed soul legend, and three dead New York punks are unliving proof that sometimes well-timed deaths can be the best thing for your career. And in second place, some Bowie classics get a very well-received Portuguese make-over.

Ray 46%
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou 33%
End of a Century: The Story of the Ramones 15%
Mayor of the Sunset Strip 6%
Stander 0%

Best male bod

First place was a bit of a no-brainer. But the runner-up position was anybody's pick. That is until SpongeBob came out and rocked the gay vote.

Brad Pitt, Troy 43%
SpongeBob SquarePants, The SpongeBob and SquarePants Movie 26%
Morgan Spurlock, Super Size Me 20%
Thomas Jane, Stander 7%
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator 4%

Best female bod

Saucy shark bait, a well-endowed French whore and a couple of Macedonian melons can't compete with a wholesome fresh-faced local talent.

Elisha Cuthbert, The Girl Next Door 31%
Rosario Dawson, Alexander 20%
Emmanuelle Béart, Nathalie 18%
Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls 18 %
Blanchard Ryan, Open Water 13 %

Worst performance

His completely unconvincing portrayal as President of the United States earned Dubs the majority vote here, beating out the world's worst feline impersonation.

George W. Bush, Fahrenheit 9/11 54%
Halle Berry, Catwoman 33 %
Cate Blanchett, The Aviator 7%
Lars Ulrich, Metallica: Some Kind of Monster 4%
Charlize Theron, Head in the Clouds 2%

Most overhyped/ overrated movie

Despite receiving more heartfelt "thanks" at this year's Oscars than God did at last year's American Christian Music Awards, the golden statue still eludes Marty. But don't expect any sympathy here.

The Aviator 38%
Sideways 19 %
Ray 17 %
Before Sunset 13%
Million Dollar Baby 13%

The movie that never should have happened

Taking Trading Places one step too far resulted in a bigger mess than screwing with John Frankenheimer's classic. And maybe, just maybe, Spielberg and Hanks oughtta think about seeing other people.

White Chicks 43%
Taxi 18%
The Manchurian Candidate (2004) 14%
The Terminal 14%
Van Helsing 11%

Best/most gratuitous violence

Bible thumpers rejoice: the sweet baby Jesus beat out the all-American trigger-happy puppets and the brain-eating sentimental favourites.

The Passion of the Christ 35%
Shaun of the Dead 26%
Team America: World Police 17%
Dawn of the Dead 15%
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story 7%

Worst accent

Even though Tom Hanks whipped out one of those unidentifiable accents that can't be traced back to any one specific language, the two-time Oscar winner couldn't top a Greek conqueror speaking with an Irish inflection.

Colin Farrell, Alexander 42%
Angelina Jolie, Alexander 22%
Tom Hanks, The Terminal 18%
Angelina Jolie, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow 16%
Rosario Dawson, Alexander 2%

Best reason why Tv stars shouldn't crossover

Everyone may love Ray, but not on a big screen, and not for two agonizing hours. And Demi's boytoy's lame attempt at serious acting is just plain embarrassing.

Ray Romano, Welcome to Mooseport 38%
Ashton Kutcher, The Butterfly Effect 29%
Jennifer Aniston, Along Came Polly 16%
Matthew Perry, The Whole Ten Yards 13%
Dave Foley, Intern Academy 4%

Best choreographed sex scene

These results establish, once and for all, that marionation fornication is in fact a bigger turn-on than watching someone's mom taking it from behind. But what's maybe more surprising is that a bored-looking socialite going through the motions on her boyfriend's cock scored as high as it did.

Team America: World Police 38%
Paris Hilton, 1 Night in Paris 25%
The Dreamers 16%
Alexander 14%
The Mother 7%

And now for the real Oscars...

This year two Mirror readers earned a perfect score in our Oscar contest. Chris Wynn and George Lee correctly predicted the winners in the following six categories: best actor, best actress, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, best movie and best director. However, only one contestant can walk away with the coveted first prize, tickets for Ex-Centris worth $160, so the Mirror tabulation department drew a name from a hat. And the winner is.... George Lee: You are the undisputed Alternative Academy Award champ of 2005. Congratulations!

Ballots compiled by Mark Slutsky and
commentary provided by Sarah Rowland

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