by MATTHEW HAYS, KEVIN LAFOREST andSARAH ROWLAND

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Just when you were getting Hong Kong action-movie fatigue, along comes a Thai high-kicking hero to steal your heart. Tony Jaa is an utterly brilliant fighter, whose resilience and finesse as a martial-arts master is put to the test in this funny and punch-packed feature. One night, the head of a small Thai town's Buddha statue is stolen by big-city thugs. The townsfolk are completely devastated, worried about what the loss of the head of their Buddha statue will do to their spiritual future.

Enter Jaa, who ventures to Bangkok to find that elusive head. He stays with his cousin, who is a no-good, small-time hustler involved with all the wrong people. Jaa ends up inadvertently having to kick some serious ass to retrieve Buddha's noggin. Suffice it to say, I found this movie a bit odd, seeing as I'm always hearing my Buddhist friends go on and on about how peaceful their faith is. Not according to this movie, where each scene culminates in someone getting the shit kicked out of them. Still, despite that apparent contradiction, Ong-Bak is gorgeously choreographed, over-the-top fun. (MH)

Hitch

Judging by the reaction at the advanced press screening, hardcore Will Smith fans won't be disappointed with Hitch. In this romantic comedy, the A-list movie star is a high-end matchmaking consultant with a perfect success rate. Enter Kevin James. He plays Albert, a klutzy overweight junior accountant who has a crush on a beautiful heiress (Amber Valletta). Hitch takes Albert on as a client, teaching him how to dress, how to act around ladies and most of all, how to dance.

This is where Smithmania takes hold. People evidently couldn't get enough of the patented "Hell no" reactions, even though his shtick never varied and always came with plenty of warning. This telegraphing is so generous that when James starts whipping out those crazy white-man moves, one has time to get some more popcorn and plug the parking meter without missing the highly anticipated punchline. (Re: "Hell no"). Still, a majority of the crowd dived for every one of these predictable comedy crumbs like the Fresh Prince was throwing 100-dollar bills from the screen. As with every successful Smith film since Six Degrees of Separation, file this one under Unsolved Mysteries. (SR)

The Assassination of Richard Nixon

Predictably, Sean Penn gives a strong performance, but enough already. He got his Oscar. We don't need to see him monopolize and maintain the same histrionic gear throughout an entire film.

Based on a true story, Penn plays Samuel Bicke, a certifiably honest salesman with an unhealthy attachment to his 'stache. Samuel is on a big-time losing streak and he thinks that ridding the world of unscrupulous businessmen - starting with the grand daddy of them all Richard Nixon - will win him back his wife and kids.

Unfortunately, director Niels Mueller doesn't explore Samuel's descent. He just plunks us down at rock bottom. As a result, you just want to put a muzzle on the mad man's incessant ranting. Naomi Watts plays his ex who can't stand him. Michael Wincott plays his brother who disowns him. Don Cheadle plays his would-be partner who can barely put up with him. So what made Mueller think we would want 90 minutes of him? This is just a little bit too much screen time for such a balls-out loser character, even if it's played by Penn. (SR)

Maman Last Call

Nathalie Petrowski is one of the most respected - and feared - social commentators in Quebec. A former movie critic for La Presse, she's now jumping the wall with this adaptation of her 1995 "autofiction" bestseller. The film was actually directed by François Bouvier, but there's no mistaking that it's the screenwriter's voice resonating through this story of a 37-year-old journalist (Sophie Lorain) dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. Even though her biological clock is ticking away and she has a most understanding boyfriend (Patrick Huard), she's worried that having a baby will compromise her career and drinking time with her best friend (scene-stealer Anne-Marie Cadieux). This is an interesting premise, especially as we don't see many movies where the guy wants to start a family and it's the woman who's afraid to commit. It's a bit self-indulgent how Petrowski always gives her alter ego the best zingers and the last word; thankfully the character's potential smugness is softened by Lorain's natural charm. The last-minute sentimental turn doesn't feel quite earned but that's okay, you can only go so far with cynicism. (KL)

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior, Hitch, The Assassination of Richard Nixon and Maman Last Call open Friday, Feb. 11

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