by JOHNSON CUMMINS

We're all stars now that the February issue of Spin has decreed us "the next big scene." So how does it feel, hipsters?

Here's my take: about a month ago, I got a call from a friend who said a Spin reporter wanted to ask me a few questions about bands in Montreal. I met the writer and slobbered on for an hour about all of my favourite things in the Montreal music scene, things which I think make it truly unique. I will admit that trying to encapsulate the Montreal scene in five pages is near impossible, but Spin's final article and the lack of a nod to Quebec's huge metal scene, Fly Pan Am, Sam Shalabi, the warehouse parties and a host of other things is ridiculous.

How far off the mark were they? How about "Fugazi influenced Starvin' Hungry" - Fugazi? Huh? I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less from Spin, which has become such a piece of fish wrap as they chase after men's magazine advertising dollars, with their choice in music content leading the charge. Just look at the cover - the fucking Killers? They're the next big thing? Okay, first of all, they are already the big thing, and secondly, they are spawns of Satan set loose on the Earth to lower our standards. Who's next year's big thing? U2? To add insult to injury, I actually paid $6 for this rag, and by including a photo of me shlepping vinyl in their two-page Montreal bar section ("Look honey, in Montreal they let vagrants DJ!") and adding some wildly out of context quotes, I just ended up feeling more like an accessory to the crime.

And it's only going to get better over the next little while, folks. I got drunk last week with a writer from the New York Times who was - you guessed it, Poindexter - sent here to do a piece on the Montreal music scene. More than likely, the Times will serve up another sloppy handjob of an article, but thankfully it'll be relegated to the back pages in some culture section, squeezed between muffin recipes and advice on how to buy art that won't clash with your couch.

I will admit it is hard to begrudge the Arcade Fire any success, as they aren't half bad. But with their meteoric rise to fame, we'd better get used to being this week's Williamsburg, despite the rumour that they've already moved to New York. Will the Times get it right and mention Tricky Woo? Barfly? The huge garage scene lineage that has been going strong since the days of the Haunted through Deja Voodoo's BBQs through, uh, BBQ (at El Salon on Feb. 5 with King Khan, by the way)? I wouldn't hold your breath.

Maybe thorough media dissection of the Montreal music scene is simply impossible, going against the grain of everything that makes our somewhat culturally insulated scene so great.

Hmmm, if that's the case then what the hell am I doing every week?

DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN! jonathan.cummins@gmail.com

>> Music Listings